As a bachelor, I know a number of women who are definitely what you might call "catches". They're attractive, funny, smart, you know the deal. Some of them are already dating someone, some are confirmed bachelorettes. Some are just in between relationships. Whatever the issue, the fact is that I can generally find one of them accompany me to a party or at the very least meet me at said party.
As a bachelor, I absolutely LOVE parties. All kinds of parties. Of course, the best parties take place between the end of October and the end of December. There are a few others, like St. Patrick's Day and Fourth of July, but mostly, those are more like outings rather than parties since bar-hopping is usually involved.
But when it comes to parties, the New Years Eve party is often the most anticipated and the one that involves the most upside as well as the biggest potential for disappointment. There is a reason for this, which I'll get to in just a second. But first, we have to have a "Party Primer" for those still wrestling with the concept of fun and frivolity.
The Party Types:
1. The formal party - These parties are generally reserved for weddings, funerals (yes, funerals), graduations, prison releases and office gatherings. These parties are fraught with landmines such as not getting too drunk and ruining your tux with the remnants of your last meal, or hitting on your boss's wife or making out with the office slut. These parties are more like networking opportunities than parties. There are rules and protocols you have to follow and if you don't people will talk and you'll bear the shame until the next poor doofus does something even more stupid. While these parties CAN be fun, you have to be careful about what you say, who you say it to and what you do.The rules for enjoying a good houseparty are simple. Don't break anything, especially in the bathroom, don't throw up on a floor, don't piss off the host, REALLY don't piss off the hosts' girlfriend and/or wife, if a fight breaks out, leave, make sure it's okay to pass out there if you have to, did I mention not to throw up on the floor? The date you bring to this party is a wildcard. On one hand, it's a great way to get closer to said friend. The houseparty is great for making out with someone, particularly later at night. On the other hand, you could spend the night simply hanging out with your date, again, mocking the unknowns if it's a huge party involving lots of strangers. Sometimes the house party can get too intimate and suddenly things might get a little awkward between you and your "date". It's always great to have a date at a houseparty to check in with from time to time, depending on the size of the party, but, and this is important, only invite a date you really know and really like to a houseparty because anything can happen and you want to be with someone who is, ahem, flexible and is open to craziness.
The "Formal Party" can be made more enjoyable by having a date with you. If you bring the right person, hours of fun can be had by simply sitting in the back and mocking your co-workers, the bridesmaids, relatives of the recent grad, well, you get the point. Anything is open for mockery, the way they walk, the clothes they wear, the bad toupee being worn by uncle Bernie. Don't do it too loudly, don't laugh at inappropriate times (like during the eulogy) and stay relatively sober.
2. The "Outing" Event - These parties generally revolve around special celebrations, be they obvious or obscure. St. Patrick's Day outings are a good example, as are the Frozen Dead Man Days in Leadville. Regardless of what is being celebrated these parties often involve large groups of people who may or may not know each other being crammed into a tiny bar and then moving this mass of people to another bar and so on until slowly the herd is culled until only the strongest survive. It's kind of like Lord Of The Flies for alcoholics.
These parties can be fun, and they're a great way to meet new and exciting potential partners since there will often be a lot of new faces in the crowd. The date you bring to this kind of party is really there to act as, A. your wingman, or B. your designated driver. The biggest rule to remember for this kind of party is to stay up with the group, know your limits and make sure you have bail money.
3. The Houseparty - These are my favorite parties because they can be so intimate and yet at the same time, very unpredictable. A houseparty can erupt at any time, for any reason, which is why they can be so much fun. You don't have to have a good reason for a houseparty other than a simple desire to have one. Sometimes these parties are smaller and you'll know everyone in attendance. Other times they can be massive and involve random groups of folks wandering in and out like a locust attack. They'll eat the food, drink the beer and move on.
New Years Eve:
All of which brings us to the New Years Eve Party. Certainly any of these three kinds of parties can take place on December 31st. But without a doubt, the best kind of NYE party is the houseparty. I say this for a couple of reasons. For most bachelors, nights like New Years Eve and St. Patrick's Day are what we call, "Amateur Hour" because this is when the party-time partiers come out in force. These are the ones that end up drinking to much and driving back to their remote suburbs where they'll later regale the neighborhood for years with stories of how they braved the downtown crowds for a 30-second glimpse of fireworks.
Anyway, because its amateur hour, it's always a good idea to get off the roads and find a nice, safe haven where you can get drunk, be stupid and pass out in peace without the fear of getting mugged, arrested or hooking up with someone who will give you nightmares well into your 60's.
But even if you manage to find a quality houseparty to attend on New Years Eve, there are still rules to follow in order to make your party not only memorable, but enjoyable as well (trust me, there IS a difference). So, in an effort to make everyone's New Years one for the ages and to help us all ring in 2011 on a good note, The Bachelor Diaries is happy to present the top ten things you need to do to help make December 31, 2010 the best that it can be.
1. Keep your expectations simple - One of the biggest mistakes bachelors make when it comes to New Years Eve parties is that their expectations are simply too high. Hey, we've all seen "When Harry Met Sally," and thought we'd all like to think that we'll have that one special moment at midnight, chances are that you'll be getting a peck on the cheek from the hot girl in the room if you get a kiss at all. Be content with being with friends, having drinks and toasting in a new year. Seriously, the higher the expectations, the greater chance of being disappointed.These are basic rules for enjoying the New Years Eve houseparty. Remember the old houseparty rules still apply, don't piss anyone off, leave when a fight breaks out and don't break anything. So, as 2010 slips away into the mists of time and we all prepare for another 12 months of trials, tribulations and joy, remember that it's not so much the party that matters, for the bachelor, like everyone else, it's who you are partying with that matters.
2. Bring your own alcohol - Yes, you can generally assume that there is a lot of alcohol at a houseparty, and chances are you can help yourself to the copious amounts of liquor on hand. But by bringing your own alcohol, you ensure that you'll always have something to drink that you like, plus you won't feel like a mooch when you finish off your friends' last bottle of hard cider.
3. Recognize how special the night is - This is particularly true if you're with a group of close friends. With all the strife, sadness, terror and loneliness in the world, you'll do well to realize how luck you are to have close friends, a roof over your head and a life worth living. You get to see a new year which means another chance to "get it right". It's 365 more days you can spend with your friends, try to improve yourself, realize your dreams. Take a moment and tell those close to you how you feel about them and toast to a great year ahead..but...
4. Don't get overly sentimental - No one likes a sappy drunk. Besides, too much sentimentality can make it seem less real. Certainly take the time to make a toast and tell the group how you feel, but if you feel the need to get really personal, do it one on one.
5. Be with someone special - This doesn't have to be your date or someone who you're in love with. It could be your best friend, a lover, someone you're interested in, the point is, you want to ring in the new year with them by your side if you can. Now, this might not be possible, and if it isn't, find the next best person. Like the old song says, "Love the one you're with".
6. Take a risk - It's New Years Eve. All years you've tried to play by the rules, all year you've been good. This is the time to do something crazy, fun, maybe even a little out of character. Streak with friends through a park, sing karaoke for the first time, ask that person you've had your eye on out on a date. Why not start the new year on a positive note by doing something daring. (Notice I did not say stupid or life threatening...again, there IS a difference).
7. No Strippers - Listen, strippers are skanks, no offense, but they are. They're just above hookers on the food chain. Strippers at a houseparty is an invitation for trouble and probably some kind of venerial disease. They'll cost you money that could be spent on alcohol and invariably a fight will break out, it happens when strippers are near. That's why when I'm at a bar and a fight breaks out I immediately look around for the stripper. Sometimes they're disguised in regular clothes, but they're there, trust me. Seriously, strippers will only lead to the bad end of a potentially great party.
8. Tell Stories - One of the best parts about New Years is taking the time to look back on the previous year and remembers all the great moments that you shared with your friends. Take some time to recall the funny, embarrassing or outlandish moments you had through the year. You can also take a moment to remember those who aren't with you anymore. There's nothing like a good story to bring life to a party.
9. Take Stock - Certainly this is something that is often best reserved for those quiet moments in the early morning hours when it's only you and a few close friends left standing (or staggering, whatever). This is a good time to look ahead and figure out what you want in the coming year. Do you want to continue being a bachelor? Do you want to turn in your card and settle down? Do you want to finally make the leap with that special someone or do you want to continue to live the life of a bachelor? When I say take stock in regards to bachelors, I'm specifically talking about relationships. Hey, they matter, even to bachelors, and this is the best time to sit back and think about important matters such as that.
10. Pace yourself - This is VERY VERY important, so listen up! Sure it's tempting to want to throw down loads and loads of alcohol from the start. But if you aren't careful, you'll be the one slumped on the couch around 11pm who wakes up and wonders what the hell happened and unsure why you only have one eyebrow. Get drunk, drink, have fun, but don't overdo it or else you'll regret it the next day and not because the hangover will be brutal but because you'll have missed the entire party, especially those great moments early in the morning when the best stuff happens.
Oh, and seriously, don't throw up on the floor.
