Mixed Signals

Okay, before you all get all uppity and start yelling at me for being absent for so long...let me start by saying mea culpa.  Life and work and stuff has gotten in the way of enhancing your lives with tidbits of bachelor wisdom. 

She's smiling at me...she MUST be in love!

There are, as always, a ton of things I want to discuss here.  But, there just isn't enough time or space to fit it all into one entry.  I mean, there are things like the reverse standards that men and women have.  It's not what you think, actually.  It has more to do with the changing desires of men and women as they age, and how they tend to be in complete reverse of each other.  But that's a post for another day.

No, today I wanted to get into something that plagues bachelors everywhere...

Mixed Signals

We all have run across this problem in the past.  It doesn't matter if you're a woman or a man, sometimes our radar is simply out of whack.  I do, however, think this happens more to men than women and here is why, women really do enter into relationships with men believing they can "just be friends." 

Of course, no one wants to end up in the "friends" zone with a woman they want to date or sleep with.  This is okay if you're looking for a quickie or a one night stand.  But if you're looking for something deeper, the best way to grow a relationship is to, ironically, become friends.  I know, I know, it's a conundrum.

The point is, sometimes when a girl is being nice, or flirty, that's all it is, guys.  She's just being nice and/or flirty.  The trick is to know when she's having a good time, or when she's sending you the kind of vibes that say "I'd like to have freaky monkey sex with you."

One of the advantages of being a 40-year old bachelor is that you've pretty much played all the games, seen all the moves and you can generally tell the difference between the two types of signals.

Here are some of the basic signals you may get from a woman and how to tell the difference between just having fun, and wanting to play hide the pickle later that night.

1.  She constantly is looking in your direction - This can be either one of the two.  Sometimes a girl is simply fascinated or curious by you.  Maybe you're wearing something that stands out, or perhaps you're looking really good that night.  It could also be that she's trying to size you up for a friend of hers, or she's trying to make someone jealous.  The best way to tell is to first, see who she's with.  If she is with a group of guys and girls, notice if she is being physical with one of the men, or if she is constantly talking to one of her friends.  If you want to call her bluff, catch her looking at her and make continuous eye contact.  Her reaction will tell you all you need to know.  If she starts avoiding your gaze, she's probably just flirting.  If she keeps looking, you might have a chance.

2.  She's overly touchy -  This is one of the most common mistakes bachelors make.  They are chatting up a woman, and suddenly she starts getting a little touchy.  Touching your hands, an arm around your neck, rubbing your shoulders.  To most men, this is an instant green light.  But the truth is, some women are just touchy people.  They aren't giving you a green light, they're just doing what they always do, friends or otherwise.  Don't fall into this trap, guys.  If a woman starts getting handsy, make sure to pay attention to WHERE she is touching you.  If she keeps her hands above the waist, it's probably just flirty.  If she starts to roam below the equator, you know, the thigh, the butt and other nether-regions...well...I think you know where that's leading to.

3.  She goes out of her way to spend a lot of time with you - Again, a lot of women do this innocently with a lot of their guy friends.  They may just enjoy your company.  It's really that simple.  Don't confuse spending time with each other with wanting to get romantic.  Instead pay more attention to what you talk about, how she looks at you and the KIND of things she wants to do with you.  If it's always in a group setting or some kind of fun activity, you've likely wandered into the friends zone.  If it's more one on one stuff, start looking for the other signals that will tell you more.

Of course, no two women are alike, and no two people flirt in the same way.  But look for these signals to tell you if she's really into you, and not just stringing you along:

1.  She touches her hair and face a lot when she's with you.  Yes, this is more of a psychological thing, but studies prove that when you're attracted to someone, you will touch your face and hair more often than you would usually.


2.  Who she talks about - If she is a friend, she'll talk about other men.  If she is interested in you, she'll talk about you, or more likely, about herself in an effort to gain your interest.


3.  Look deep into her eyes - It's all about biology, stupid.  Even if she doesn't want you to know she's interested in you, her eyes will give her away.  Science proves that when we see something, or someone, we are attracted to, our pupils dilate.  This means if she finds you attractive, her eyes will tell you all you need to know.  It's a fact, jack, and there's nothign she can do to hide it.  

So there you have it.  A few simple tips to know if she's sending you the kind of signals you're looking for.  There's no need to be confused, guys.  Remember, it's a jungle out there and all you have to get by on are your wits, your charm and your talent...unless you have six pack abs, in which case, that's all you really need.

I'll be back sooner than later, so keep an eye out for the next thrilling adventures of Billy the Robot....errrr....I mean, The Bachelor Diaries.  Stay tuned!