Survival Guide

Hey there fellow bachelors and bachelorettes!  I hope you are all recovering after another Valentine's Day has passed us by.  For so many of you out there, I know that February 14th send you screaming into the night, either from frustration, or from madness at being surrounded by all the syrupy-sweet L-O-V-E on public display.

If you're anything like me, Valentine's Day is just another day.  It always has been.  Listen, I'm not bitter...at least not about V-Day.  I might be bitter about a lot of other things, like 85-degree days in October, the cost of quality bourbon and the Broncos loss to the Jaguars in the 1996 AFC Division playoffs (I'm not sure I'll ever get over that one).  But when it comes to the day of Saint Valentine, I'm all smiles and cheerful whistles.

Step away from the edge, Valentine's Day is survivable. 




I say, go for it, couples!  Spend your hard earned cash at crowded fancy restaurants where you'll pay $100 or more for cheap wine and grade B beef.  Buy that diamond necklace that you'll regret giving the minute she starts sleeping with your best friend.  Hell, have sex in the park, or, like John Lennon once exhorted, do it in the road.  I'll cheer you on, take pictures and post them to my Facebook page.

I enjoy the big show of love that breaks out like acne all over the place in the middle of a traditionally cold February.  And while I might remain cynical about a holiday that was created by a card company simply to increase revenue, I like the idea of taking one day out of the year and celebrating something like love.  And while I prefer holidays that are a little more inclusive, Valentine's Day doesn't mean you have to be alone if you don't have a significant other.

Like pagans at Christmas, bachelors can sometimes feel a little left out of the festivities when V-Day rolls around.  But we can learn something from the Pagans or the Jews or the Muslims.  When Xmas started to pick up steam, they didn't just sit around and feel sorry for themselves.  Heck no.  The Muslims observe Eid Ul Fitr.  The Jews took a relatively minor holiday and pumped it full of steroids, handing out a week's worth of gifts instead of opening presents on a single day (take THAT Vatican!).  The Pagans got pissed that the Christians stole their Solstice observance and managed to sneak one of their primary symbols (the tree) into the whole Christmas celebration (don't look now, you're worshiping Mother Nature, he he he).

With that in mind, I figured out a long time ago that, while Valentine's Day might be for lovers, love itself isn't just reserved for the tall, skinny and beautiful.  Everyone can celebrate the day, you just have to know how to do it.

The Panic Button:

While you are likely reading this a day after Valentine's, it doesn't mean that the information is old and stale.  Nope.  In fact, it seems as if the entire month of February is dedicated to lovers or various lame holidays.  Let's face it, after New Year's Eve, it's a long dry spell to the next worthy holiday. 

It's kind of like being in school.  The first semester is chock full of holidays and days off and vacations and such.  But starting in January, you have a long haul until you finally stumble blindly into Spring Break.  It's kind of like that.  You hit Labor Day, then Halloween, then Thanksgiving, the Xmas then New Years...it's like party buffet and you're filling up on the good times. 

But just about the time you open your bloodshot eyes to welcome in the new year, you realize you're basically going to have to go cold turkey for about three months.  That can be difficult for your average bachelor.  Sure, you can manage January.  You're still recovering from three straight months of lost weekends, plus you're probably still trying in vain to stick to at least ONE of your resolutions.

But then February stops by, pulls up a chair and begins an intervention.  It's cold, you're alone, you haven't "partied hard" for a bit and you're starting to go into withdrawals.  February is a slap to the face, it's cold water on the head, it's the school counselor who tells you you'll never amount to anything.  Suddenly, you find yourself thinking about the fact that you're still single.  You realize your bank account is low and not partying for so long has allowed you to remember that you hate your job.

Now you're panicking.  February, with it's Valentine's Day and President's Day and whatever holidays are hidden in the shortest month of the year, has gotten under your skin, and into your head and is taking control.  You start thinking about who you can ask out for a Valentine's Day date.  You start seriously considering settling for the next woman who smiles at you across the bar.  Of course, it doesn't help that you're also starting to receive all those wedding invitations in the mail for those summer weddings.  Desperation is creeping in.

I'm here to tell you, don't give in.  This is NOT the time to lose yourself in a pity party.  It's time to shake yourself and revel in all the great things about being a bachelor.

Start With The Basics:

The first thing you have to do is recognize that being single is a good thing.  I'm not saying that being in a couple is bad, don't get me wrong.  I'm just saying that most bachelors tend to selfish, carefree and, let's face it, just a little irresponsible.  We're men, so we do stupid things, but we also enjoy the freedom to do those stupid things without all the repercussions we might receive if we were in a relationship. 

Also, being a bachelor means never having to say, "I'm leaving you."  Or, for that matter, having to hear someone else say it to us.  Just this past week, some good friends of mine who had been dating broke up after dating for nearly two years.  Sure there might have been a few rough spots, but I'm not sure anyone really saw it coming.  I felt awful for both of them as they told me and some other friends who happened to be together for a meeting.  They were both nearly in tears and it was sad.  I've been through that, we all have.  It's no fun.  Being a bachelor means we don't have to go through that.  So, we have that going for us.

We don't have anyone to answer to, really.  I was at a Superbowl party a couple of weeks ago and as the party started to die down, I was ready to go out for some more drinks.  Most everyone had left, but my ride wasn't in the mood to go out.  Actually, let me correct that.  He was willing to go out as was the other guy.  But the host of the party had a fiancee who was not about to let him wander into the night with his drinking buddies on a Sunday night.  And my other friend had to get home, because his fiancee was at home and was furious that he'd already stayed out after his curfew.  I went home, grabbed a bottle of bourbon, drank alone and vowed to find more bachelor friends.

The fact is, while being in a couple might have certain advantages, being a bachelor has just as many advantages, and not quite as many disadvantages, I mean, other than the whole, "single men die sooner" thing.  Other than that, being a bachelor is all good.

Just Getting By:

Now that you've started to remember that being a bachelor is not all doom and gloom, you now have to turn your attention to a much more serious problem; making it to St. Patrick's Day.

According to my calendar, St. Patrick's Day is the first major (or "High Holy" holiday of the year).  Some might consider New Year's Eve to be the first, but that's really the end of the previous year, so it doesn't count. 

Getting past Valentine's Day is doable, I'm assuming you all survived since you're reading this post.  But even after the day has passed, you're surrounded by Valentine's Day reminders.  The holiday has a shelf life of, basically, two weeks, as lovers and couples who couldn't find time on the 14th, celebrate it at various times throughout the month.  Then, once V-Day has passed, mass media turns its attention immediately towards Easter. 

But there are ways to survive February, and The Bachelor Diaries is here to tell you how:

1.  Celebrate your friends - This may seem odd, or trite, but seriously, it's awesome. I just remember something one of my closest friends told me 20 years ago.  Lovers come and go, but good friends are forever.  You may fight with a friend, you may disagree and get annoyed with them, and even want to punch them in the face from time to time, but the fact is, it's very VERY rare to "break up" with a friend, at least really close friends.  Take them out for drinks, organize a dinner for your closest friends and laugh and tell stories and remember how they fill you life with joy.  Trust me, it's better than any four hour dinner at some fondu place.


2.  Celebrate your family - If breaking up with close friends is rare, it might be even more unlikely that you'll ever break up with your family.  Sure you might not see them as much as you'd like, or maybe you see them way more than you'd like.  The point is, love isn't reserved only for couples.  You love your family, you love your friends.  Why not take the time to let them know how much they mean to you. 


3.  Remember Mardi-Gras - Okay, this is a strange one, but for bachelors, Mardi-Gras can be like an oasis in the desert that is February.  The problem with Mardi-Gras is twofold:  A) unless you live in New Orleans, you kind of have to search out the great parties or make your own. B) If you're religious, you have to observe Lent, which is a total bummer.  On the other hand, if you're NOT religious, you have to hear from everyone about what they're giving up for Lent.  If you can manage to listen to them explain why giving up spinach or candy bars illustrates their devotion to god, then Mardi-Gras can be a blast.  Sadly, outside of The Big Easy, girls don't often show their tits for beads, but that doesn't mean it never happens, the good bachelors will just have to look harder than usual.


4.  Find Your Own Reasons to Celebrate - I'm lucky.  My birthday falls right at the end of February, so I have a built in reason to party.  But for most, February is just one long drag.  But it doesn't have to be.  Have a President's Day party.  Watch the History Channel and every time a president's name is mentioned, drink.  Call up friends and find reasons to join them for a night out on the town.  In actuality, since there is so little happening in February, you might be surprised how many others are also looking for something to do, even your married or engaged friends.  This is also a great opportunity for random hook-ups.  Remember, you're not the ONLY one that probably spent Valentine's Day alone.  There are a lot of others out there simply looking for some companionship, if even for one night. 


5.  The Ides of March Madness - This is another toughie for some bachelors.  Football is over, basketball is in the doldrums of mid-season, hockey is only popular in Northern cities and soccer is, well, soccer.  BUT, college basketball IS starting to heat up and watching the bubble teams can be fun, particularly if you have a team that might make it into the tournament.  Also, baseball spring training begins in mid-February.  Start a baseball fantasy league, have a draft, drink beer and lose yourself in the few interesting sports left on the calendar.

For some bachelors, January and February is a time of creation and rebuilding.  I knew a guy years ago that would essentially become a hermit come January 1st.  He'd stay in, work out, go on a cleanse and re-emerge in March or April leaner, meaner and ready to rock n roll.  It's a good idea, actually.  I mean, hey, even the most ardent of bachelors need a break every now and then. 

The point is, like life, Valentine's Day and February in general is what you make of it.  It doesn't have to be a dreary, depressing time of the year.  In fact it can be a joyful month of celebration, recognition, reflection and self-examination.  Personally, I love February, and not just because it's my birthday month.  It snows, it's chilly without being freezing, I start to work on my golf game, and I find fun things to do. 

So get out there, enjoy yourself, find the hidden fun in February.  Before you know it, St. Patrick's Day will be here before you know it.  If nothing else, it might be a good month to start training for St. Paddy's.  Hey, a man has to dream, right?

It's SPORTS, Baby!

As America begins to slouch forward this week, shrugging off it's collective hangover after the annual national party known simply as "The SuperBowl," I got thinking about the average bachelor and his relationship to sports. 

Now, I'm a big sports fan.  In my younger days, I used to play football, baseball, racquetball, basketball, and I wasn't bad.  Not long ago, I used to spend every Sunday at a park with coworkers and friends playing volleyball.  I still get to the batting cages and enjoy a rousing game of softball as well.  In fact, in the past few years, I played indoor soccer (I was horrible), dodgeball and softball on organized teams in actual leagues.  I even used to fence (no, not building fences, but swordfighting).  I still manage to get out for a few rounds of golf a year. 

Sports and the Bachelor, it's a touchdown every time!

It's a commonly held belief that women don't really enjoy sports.  Or at least not as much as their men do.  However, I have to say that living in Colorado at least, that's not really the case.  Most of the women I know are WAY more active than I am.  Which leads me to the conclusion that at least when it comes to PLAYING sports, it's actually a benefit for bachelors to actively engage in sports, even if it's beer-league kickball. 

But when it comes to watching sports?  Well, now, that's a completely different ball of wax.  And I'm not even just talking about watching it on TV.  For some reason, women don't get that bachelors, most of them anyway, really enjoy watching their favorite sports, whether it's on TV or in person at a stadium.

Plus, there's another aspect of sports that really seems to baffle womankind everywhere, and that's the bachelor's infatuation and uncanny knowledge of sports minutiae.  Sure, we can't remember her birthday, or her favorite colors and if you put a gun to our head, we might have a hard time remembering her eye color.  But ask us how many stolen bases Ricky Henderson had in 1988, or who won the Home run derby in 1999, we'll rattle off names, numbers and even do a play by play for you.

So this post is for the women.  It's a little insight into how sports fits into the life of a bachelor, and, how you can use sports to "get your man". 

It's A Guy Thing:

I have a lot of female friends who enjoy their sports. They like to play sports and heck, they'll even watch it from time to time.  But in my time wandering this planet, it's very, VERY rare to find a woman with the kind encyclopedic knowledge of sports your typical bachelor often has. 

I can't explain why I know the batting average for Andres Gallaraga in 1995, but I always forget a girl's birthday or an anniversary date.  What I DO know is that I'm not alone.  Many bachelors have this problem.

Ladies, before we go forward, you have to know something right from the start.  This isn't a personal thing.  We still care about you, it's just that our minds are already cluttered with stats and highlights and information that is basically totally useless in the real world.  Basically, it's a guy thing.  You wouldn't understand it, and we don't expect you to, honest.  At best we hope you can deal with it and know that we're not trying to be idiots, it just comes naturally.

Bowl-A-Rama

I spent this past Sunday, like a lot of Americans, hanging out with friends, eating wings, drinking beer and watching the Packers beat the Steelers in SuperBowl 45.  There were men, there were women, rooting interests were established, comments on the commercials were made, the halftime show was scrutinized. 

A lot of the comments about the game itself came from three of the guys in the room.  Another guy wasn't really into the game.  He was married, but I think the fact that he's from Puerto Rico had more to do with that than his nuptials.  One woman actually left in the middle of the first quarter to go to church, another sat in the back and said nothing for two hours, a third woman was playing hostess, a fourth woman kept commenting on the players butts, and my friend Mere, actually was watching the game and making timely, intelligent comments.

Now I'm not going to say one is better than the other, but from a bachelor's perspective, only one of the women I mentioned previously was an actual joy to have at the party.  It's not that sitting quietly in the corner is a bad thing, it's just that it's kind of awkward.  Playing hostess is a good thing, an absolute necessity, but frankly, bachelors could go an entire game without ever hearing how nice the players' butts look in their pants.  We just don't want to hear that.

However, if a woman make a comment about a particular player or a play or makes an astute observation about how the 3-4 alignment of the defense is leaving gaping holes in the secondary for the faster wide receivers....well, for some bachelors, that's terms for love at first sight. 

Seriously, ladies, we love that.  Listen, we're not asking you to be able to remember all those useless statistics.  That's our job, and if you do it better than us, then we're going to feel a little emasculated.  But simply by trying, just the little act of knowing something, well, that might be the best way to capture a bachelor's attention.

It shows us that you care about the things we care about.  It let's us know that you understand our infatuation with men the size of of a schoolbus slamming into each other at 100 miles an hour.  More importantly, it's a subtle approving nod that tells us, "it's okay, go ahead and remember your stupid statistics and forget my birthday, because I'm going to drag you to a tupperware party someday, and you'll be okay with it."

And we will be.  Because it's a two way street.  We see that you're trying to enjoy the game and learn something about it.  Plus, we'll appreciate not having to answer a million inane questions while our favorite team is down by three with two minutes to go.  We'll gladly go to that tupperware party or baby shower, and while you're mingling with your girlfriends discussing taffeta, or shoes, or whatever you talk about, we'll be in the corner proudly regaling our friends with the one time you knew the difference between a zone and man-to-man coverage scheme.

Baseball Daze:

Of course, the SuperBowl is one thing.  Even non-football fans watch that game.  But baseball is a different beast entirely.

A little caveat here, I'm a huge baseball fan.  Like golf, I'll watch it on TV if it's on.  But like golf, it's always better in person.  Golf is much more enjoyable to play.  Baseball is much more enjoyable to see in person.

I love baseball so much, that it's on my list of must-do dates.  In other words, when I start to think that I'm getting really interested in a woman, I'll take her to a baseball game.  If she hates it, I pretty much know the relationship is doomed.  If she has a blast, then there's hope and reason to move forward. 

I'm not asking you to suddenly begin loving baseball.  That's just something you can't fake.  In most cases, all I can do is simply ask that you not HATE baseball.  But if you're interested in a guy, one of the best things you can do is to at least try and like his favorite sport.  It may be football, or baseball or hockey or basketball or bicycling.  It doesn't matter.  Just try to take an interest.  For the reasons I stated above, plus one other reason.

Like my baseball date, bachelors will take a woman to their favorite sporting event as a kind of test.  We WANT you to like our favorite sport because we WANT to spend fun times with you.  Part of that is being able to have a shared connection with a particular team.  Not liking our favorite sport is almost always a signal to the bachelor that the relationship is going to fail.  It's that important.

Couch Potato:

Finally, a lot of women get really upset at their men for sitting around on the couch watching golf or basketball or whatever.  For some reason, right about kickoff or first pitch or tip off, women decide THAT'S when they need the trash taken out or the sink fixed or errands run. 

Don't do this.  Again, I'm not saying you have to let your man sit around the house for hours on end, eating pizza, watching ballgames and turning into Jabba-The-Hut.  But don't hound them either.  After a while, it really starts to seem vindictive.  Like you're just angry that for three hours on Sunday, we're not paying attention to you and paying more attention to grown men playing kids games. 

All we ask is that you be aware of when "the game" is on.  It's not that we won't take the trash out or fix the sink or run the errands.  It's just that we prefer to do this stuff BEFORE or AFTER "the game". 

On the plus side, if you ever want to break up with a guy, one of the quickest ways to do the deed is to constantly bother him during "the game" or mock his favorite sport or sports team.  Trust me, chances are, he'll break it off and come out looking like the bad guy in the whole affair.

Tips For Chicks:

So with all that said, here are some tips ladies can use to catch the attention of that particular bachelor, or at the very least, ways you can manage to not screw things up by messing up the all-important sports issue.

1.  Find out what his favorite sport is - try watching a few games to see if you might enjoy it also
2.  Learn the rules - nothing is more annoying than having to answer a ton of questions when all we want to do is watch the game.
3.  Figure out the key players - You don't have to know all the players, just the big names and the teams they play for.  Knowing some of their big achievements or why they're important also helps
4.  Know the schedule - Some sports like baseball and basketball have a ton of games, but not all are important.  The big games, though, do matter.  Try to know when the big matchups are on.
5.  Do some research - The internet is a wonderful thing.  Do a little background research on the sport, learn the teams, understand some of the rivalries, find out about some of the key moments in the sports' history.

One final thing.  As a 40 year old bachelor, I'm not in the loop like I used to be when it comes to pop culture.  That means I have to go out of my way a couple of times a week to try and find out the latest gossip with the recent hollywood hotties, or the most current musical superstar.  I watch "The Soup" I check out the internet, I even ask my friends who ARE in the know.  This way, I can try to at least not sound completely out of it when those topics are discussed. 

I'm not always successful, but I will say that I love the look on the faces of my more hip friends when I actually know who Will-I-Am is or the words to the latest Hanna Montana song. 

So now you know.  Of course, you won't be required to spend your weekends at HOOTERS or sit through a double-header at Coors Field.  But you'll have plenty of opportunities to strut your sports knowledge in front of your bachelor friends.

The SuperBowl may be over, but right around the corner is March Madness.  It's a perfect time to test your new-found sports skills.  Join a pool, catch a game with your bachelor buds and see how they react when you talk about how the ACC is really down this year or how San Diego State is a Final Four quality team, even if it does play in the Mountain West Conference. 

They'll spit beer through their nose and then look at you in disbelief.  But then don't be surprised if they don't offer to buy you a plate of wings and later ask you out.  Try it and let me know. 

Sorry Seems To Be The Hardest Word

Wow, I can't believe it's been an entire MONTH since my last post.  I have a ton of things to post about, I've just been busy with work, and life in general.  So many things to talk about, from bachelor parties, to date etiquette to "crazy" girls (of which I have more than my share of experience with).  Of course, I'm always open to any thoughts or ideas you might have.  Want to ask me a question?  Just send it to me here or on my Facebook page under "The Bachelor Diaries".  I'm happy to answer any question that's bachelor-oriented. 

 

"Ooohhh, I'll smack you good, I will!"

But for right now, I want to talk about the time-honored tradition of the "Bachelor apology".  If you're not a bachelor, you probably have no idea what I'm talking about.  That's because the B.A. as it's called isn't between a bachelor and a woman, it's something that is strictly between two bachelors.

That isn't to say that there isn't the old-fashioned bachelor apology to a lady.  But that's usually simply called, "The Apology".  When a bachelor has to apologize to a woman for something stupid they've done, there's a specific way to do it.  Sometimes it involves trinkets, like jewelry, or chocolates or a new car, depending on how stupid the bachelor was.

The important thing to remember when apologizing to a woman is to:

1.  Be sincere - In the absence of actually BEING sincere, at least SOUND sincere
2.  Assume all blame - Never implicate her in any way.  Take all responsibility
3.  It's not about you - It's all about how SHE feels, not how bad YOU feel

There you go.  Follow these three basic rules and you'll be okay, most of the time.  Also remember that women have particularly long memories.  They often won't tell you exactly how they feel, they'll get mad at you for not simply "knowing" how they feel, and they'll tell you everything is okay even when it's obvious that everything is NOT okay.  Apologizing to a woman is a landmine, inside a war zone, wrapped in ground zero of a nuclear bomb.  

In other words...it can be tricky.


ManSpeak:

But none of this applies when the apology is bachelor to bachelor.  It's way simpler and uses far less words.  But while the bachelor apology is easier, there are still some things to remember to make it a real apology and mend fences between two feuding dudes.

What a lot of women don't understand is that, simply put, men fight.  We like to fight.  It's kind of in our blood.  When I was growing up I used to get into scraps all the time with the boys in my neighborhood.  We'd take something pretty stupid and blow it up into this big thing and the next thing you know, we were wrestling on the ground, slapping each other with sticks or pushing someone out of the treehouse. 

When I got older, I had some friends that I used to hang out with, playing racquetball, or basketball or board games.  It didn't matter what it was, we were all young and hyper-competitive.  It was only natural that tempers would sometimes flare.  Sometimes I would get into fights on the courts, racquetball rackets flying, or basketballs being flung at heads.  Hell, I even got into a fistfight over a game of Risk one day.  Words were exchanged, dice was tossed in the general direction of someone's head, fists of fury flew.

And lest you think that maybe I was the only one with an anger management problem, all of my friends at one time or another had fights with someone else in the group.  It didn't matter if it was a pick up game, a game of cards, football practice, baseball practice, etc.

The thing is, guys fight...all the time.  Now this came in handy when I started working in news.  People fight all the time in newsrooms...seriously.  Sometimes punches are even thrown.  Everyone in a newsroom is opinionated.  However, it's important to remember this...it's never personal.  You can get angry, you can fight, say mean things and raise your voice.  You can even throw a punch.  But it's never personal. 

Again, I realize that this can be a difficult concept for some to grasp.  But usually bachelor fights are intense and over very quickly.  They're also usually about something stupid.  A fact not lost on most battling participants once the anger has subsided.  Once the fight is over, a few things need to happen before you can get to the actual apology.

First, you need a little time.  And I'm not talking "girl" time, which we all know can mean anywhere from 24 hours to three years.  Bachelor time can be basically be broken into two categories. 

1.  One day
2.  The time it takes to sober up

If the fight was alcohol-fueled, you HAVE to wait until both parties have sobered up and have figured out what exactly happened.  This is usually the case for bachelors over the age of 21.  If the fight was motivated by something else, then a day is usually sufficient. 


The only two exceptions to this rule are:

1.  The person you had a fight with is a rival or someone you already disliked.  This kind of fight carries grudges and no apologies will be forthcoming, so no need to worry about it.
2.  The fight was over a woman.  In this case, things get murky.  Frankly, bachelors shouldn't be fighting over a woman.  It's undignified and no one wins. 

I've had fights over a woman, it never turns out well.  I used to date a woman named Sarah.  A pretty redhead who was very high-maintenance and prickly at times.  We went out with an old friend one night and he proceeded to get drunk.  Sarah didn't like my friend pretty much from the get go.  She let me know it and wanted me to ditch him so we could go somewhere else together.  At first, I was reluctant, I mean, you shouldn't let a woman dictate your friends, right?  But then he continued to drink and got really hammered.  At one point, Sarah had had enough and frankly told him to beat it.  My friend took offense and proceeded to call her several "bad" names.  I didn't want to beat the crap out of my friend, but I was really pissed.  I mean, truly furious.  I simply told my friend, what he did was unacceptable and that we were through.

About six months later, Sarah and I were through.  I haven't spoken to my friend since that incident nearly eight years ago.  So, I guess we all lost, except Sarah, who ended up in a happy relationship with someone else.  So, you see, no one wins when you fight over a woman.

Anyway, once the fight is over, a little time has passed and everyone is sober, it's time for the actual apology, bachelor-style!

Dude, my bad:

Chuckle if you want, but I've actually apologized using those exact words.  And it worked, because...well, because guys are simple.  In fact, when it comes to the Bachelor Apology, the fewer words and less emotion involved, the better. 

Here is an example of a typical B.A.

Joe - Hey, uh...I'm uh....
John - Yeah, I know...ummm...whatever.
Joe - No, I mean it, I uhhh...you know.
John - It's cool.  I'm...you know...I'd never really...
Joe - Yeah.
John - So, let's just...
Joe - Totally over.  I just...I mean, my bad, dude.
John - So we're good?
Joe - We're good.

See how simple that was?  No actual sentences.  More like a jumble of unfinished phrases and thoughts.  What you couldn't see was the handshake that follows it at the end, or the man-hug afterwards.  This is a lot like other "deep" conversations that men have.  few words, but the meaning gets across somehow.

In the end, being a man, being a bachelor has its advantages.  You can express entire thoughts and feelings in the span of two minutes and fifteen words.  The problem comes when you're SO used to expressing entire thoughts in broken phraseology, that you struggle to communicate with women who, for some odd reason, require you to speak in full sentences.

Of course you can't apologize to a woman like this, but that's what bachelor friends are for.  So you don't HAVE to use your words, at least when you don't want to.