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I'm not really a blind date kind of guy.  I think blind dates mostly work for people who are really pretty.  Think about it.  Blind dates are set up, usually by married friends, or friends who are already in relationships, because they feel bad for their single friends. (Note to you coupled folks, single friends don't need your help, and stop trying to make yourself feel better by helping the "downtrodden" singles)

So you go on your date, sight unseen.  You have no idea who this person is.  You don't know if you have anything in common.  The only thing you know is that you're going to meet a complete stranger and spend the next few hours with them.  What's the first thing you see?  You see their face, their body, how they walk, how they hold themselves.  Your first impression is purely physical.  Most blind dates are decided, good or bad, within the first ten seconds.  That's why pretty people generally find more success on blind dates.  Ironically, pretty people don't usually have to go on blind dates.

Facebook love...a strange new world

I suppose that's why online dating has become so huge.  At the very least, you get to see a picture of the individual you're supposed to meet.  You get to see if you have anything in common, you might even get to talk to the person beforehand.  It's like shopping.  You can go up and down the aisles, looking for the product that best catches your eye. 

You can even place an order if you want.  Or just browse.  Let's see, I'll go up the brunette lane and see if there's anything in stock today.  If you can't tell.  I have a serious dislike for online dating.

I know, I know, so many people use it, and we've all seen the commercials.  It works, it really works!  Also we probably all know at least one couple that met online and got married and now seem very happy.  To that I say, good for them.  I'm just not buying it. 

To the surprise of many who know me, I consider myself a bit of a romantic.  Maybe I just watched one too many John Hughes films when I was younger, or believed in the happy ending in musicals or put my trust in fate like so many Shakespeare characters.  I just don't believe you can go shopping for love. 

Oh, certainly you have to put yourself on the market, let others know you're available, but to actually go searching through a database for that one soul-mate, well it sounds like the desperate fanatasies of desperately lonely people.  No offense.

Nope, I believe in fate.  I believe that you turn the corner one day and BOOM, you meet the one person you were meant to be with.  Of course, timing has a lot to do with successful relationships as well, but that's an entry for another day.

I think that's what sets bachelors apart from singles.  Bachelors have fun playing the field.  They are okay with the times they are alone.  They take solace in their friends when they are down.  They don't go shopping for love, they watch for it, they make themselves available for it, and they jump on it when the opportunity arises, there's a difference.

Big Online Cajones:

So it is with little shock or surprise to hear that Facebook has become a new kind of dating service.  A kind of free catch all for those in the lonely hearts club.  We've seen and heard some of the stories.  Boy sees girls profile pic, boy IM's girl, boy and girl talk, boy and girl meet, they date, they get married, divorce likely soon to follow.

Sorry, my cynicism is showing.  But it's happening more and more.  A good friend of mine, attractive, tall, outgoing, recently received a Facebook message from a complete stranger.  It read:


"Hey, you and I should go out on a date sometime."

Now remember, my friend doesn't know this person.  Has never met him, seen him, talked to him, has had no interaction with this person on any level.  And yet, simply by looking at her pictures and reading her information online, maybe reading her posts, he stepped up to the plate and put himself forward as a potential date.

This makes me think of a couple of things.  First, who does this?  Sure, there's an image of a confident, cocky, if perhaps misguided young man.  But it also raises images of this random person cyberstalking the photos, the history, the background.  It all seems so...icky.

Facebook, Twitter, dating sites, they've changed the dating landscape.  You can now peruse friends' profiles, strangers profiles and see if there's anyone worth dating out there.  This alone is disheartening to me.  Sure, I know I'm sounding like an old fogey right about now, but it all seems so superficial.

Plus, men and women are asking others out on Facebook and via Twitter.  Then, when it all goes horribly wrong, they break up the same way.  Bachelors, here's a tip.  Don't do this.  Be a man and ask  a girl out face to face.  And when the time comes to break it off, well, you probably should do that face to face as well.

I ask you my bachelor friends, men and women both; has Facebook changed your dating habits?  I'm serious about this question.  I have been known to spend time IM'ing with friends on FB.  I have to admit, the anonymity of online can let you flirt more than you might in person.  I can see how this might lead to kind of virtual relationships.  You start talking to someone online, establish a rapport, and the next thing you know, you're on a date.

Dawn of a new age of love:

I mean, I get it.  Unlike IM's from days past, FB allows you to see the person you're talking to.  You can look at their pics, their friends, get an idea of who they are.  Back in the day, you only got words, today, you get so much more.

There's also that added dimension of reconnecting.  I haven't even touched on that yet.  FB allows for people to get in touch with long lost crushes and people of interest from days gone past.  That has probably rekindled old flames more than any other modern phenomenon.  Forget the class reunion, it's now all about Facebook.

Plus, we all now get to hear about their relationships in detail. How they met, how they regret all those lost years, how much in love they are, how they're eating popcorn together and watching "The Incredibles" together.

That's all fine, I guess.  Facebook has become the online equivalent of public displays of affection.  And when I say PDA's, I mean ALL kinds of PDA's, mostly inappropriate.  Ever heard of Chat Roulette?  Sure you have.  Now there's Chat Roulette dating.  Kind of like online dating only instantaneous.  But have you ever been on Chat Roulette?  From what I can tell, it's mostly just naked guys showing off their penises.  Once again, dating and romance takes an uppercut to the jaw.

So, yes, I get it.  I might not be on board with it, but I understand.  I'm just wondering if FB has changed the dating landscape forever.  I'm wondering if there's still room left for fate to reach her finger down and intervene in the affairs of the heart anymore. 

I'm thinking there is.

It's Not Just About The Looks!

Not too long ago I watched a movie called "The Tao of Steve."  I think the concept behind the movie was that, for some reason, guys named Steve are sexy.  At least that's what I got out of it.  But then I watched another movie, that on the surface, seemed as distant to the Tao of Steve as Earth is to the Orion Galaxy (that's quite distant for those non-astronomers out there).

I saw the originial Thomas Crowne Affair.  It starred Steve McQueen, who was a constant figure in the Tao movie.  Suddenly, I got it.  It wasn't about Tao, or the name Steve, or even looks, which, I guess, was the point of the Tao movie to begin with.  It was about confidence.

I think that's one of the reasons, one of the MANY reasons, why I'm so glad I'm a guy.  Yeah, we have some appearance issues we have to deal with, more today than ever before.  But a man can get by being a little shorter, balding, pudgy, way more than a woman can in society.  That's because, god love 'em, women tend to look beyond just the looks when they evaluate a man. 

They look at his earning potential, that's a big one, they look at his sense of humor, they look at his successes and failures.  It's like a damn job interview most of the time.  But in all my travels and adventures, the one thing I've found that women find sexy in a man, above almost all others, is confidence.

This, my friends is a confident man, with a set of steel cajones.

Your Confidence Is Showing:

Now, I'm not talking cocky, arrogant, narcissistic douchebag kind of confidence.  I'm talking about the quiet confidence that can literally exude from a person who has their crap together.  You can't fake that kind of confidence.  And here's the great thing, I don't think you have to be so together that you have uber confidence in every aspect of your life. 

For instance, I do some things very well.  I'm good at the kind of work I do.  I'm confident about my writing skills, I'm confident about public speaking, and while I'm not the worlds best singer, I'm confident about my singing...I do okay.

But there are a lot of other areas where I fall short.  My money management skills leave something to be desired, I'm a slob, I'm unorganized, I have a temper, I like to argue.  But I overcome my shortcomings with attitude.  I'm generally a positive person.  I have confidence in myself and my abilities to see things through, and when things get tough, well, I try to put on a smile and know that things are going to be okay.

These are also things I absolutely love in women.  I also think most bachelors love this in women as well.  I was talking to some friends last night, some women, some men, we were at the bar chatting about various things.  One of the people I was talking to had recently been pursued by a very attractive woman.  For some reason my friend didn't seem very interested in her at all.  For the longest time I kept wondering why my friend didn't pursue this woman harder, particularly since this woman made it VERY clear she was into my friend.

During the conversation last night, my friend commented that the woman in question was, indeed, beautiful, but there were problems.  What it boiled down to was attitude and talent.  This woman is smart and attractive, but my friend is an artist, a true artist, and the woman in question simply didn't live up to my friend's standards in that area.


It fits into my theory about talent, confidence and attitude.  I once had a huge crush on a woman who said she was a singer.  So, I and some friends went to go see her perform with her band.  Let's just say it wasn't good.  Now, this woman was very attractive and smart and had a good career in TV.  But she identified herself as an artist, which I loved. 

But when I went to see her perform, she just wasn't very good.  I was disappointed, but I know that sometimes bad performances happen.  Plus, she admitted she wasn't in very good voice that night and apologized.  I gave it a pass.  A month later I went to go see her again, by myself this time.  Once again, it was bad.  Afterwards, she was very happy and talked about how "good" the performance was.  My crush ended almost immediately. 

If you are attracted to an artist, they had better be talented.  They don't have to be great, but you at least have to respect them as an artist.  Otherwise, you have a crush on a myth, a dream, and that will never work out.

Always Look On The Bright Side Of Life:

Attitude plays the same role.  When I was in college, I knew three Stacey's.  They all lived together at one time, and we called them Big Stacey, Little Stacey, Middle Stacey.  I had a bit of a crush on Middle Stacey.  She was, ironically, the tallest of the three Stacey's.  Pale and slender with flowing dark hair and deep brown eyes.  She was smart and shy, not funny, but I didn't mind.  She used to be seriously dating a guy when I met her.  But I pursued her, asking her out for the longest time.  Every time I saw her I would ask if she was still dating the guy and told her that when they broke up, I'd be there to swoop in. 

I was cocky, confident, charming.  One night at a party, I asked her if she was still dating her guy, and she said, shockingly, no.  Now the pressure was on.  What had been a little flirty game was now serious.  So, I sidled up beside her, gave her a martini and asked her out.  She said yes and we dated for a couple of months.

It ended, not with a bang, but with a whimper.  We just drifted apart. Some of it was that our personalities were so different, but most of it was because her attitude was just so...depressing.  You see, she was a negative, depressed person by nature, I think.  She was always complaining about something, and always seemed depressed.

I've had roommates who were always depressed.  It gets to me after a while.  I can only deal with depressed people for so long before I have to just get away from it.  Dating someone who is always depressed does the same thing.  At some point, I stopped calling her, she stopped calling me.  I didn't see her again for ten years.  She had just gotten divorced and, outside of looking older, it didn't seem like she had changed at all.

Positive attitude, talent, confidence.  These are the things that are truly sexy.  You can be physically, very attractive, but without those other attributes, you're nothing but a magazine cover, all glitter and no substance.  Or, as my friend Mere likes to say to some people, you'll just be "so pretty," which ain't bad, but in the end, it's not enough.

How to ruin a date in five easy steps

So, I've dated a lot.  I was never really a playboy, although, at times I did kind of envision myself as James Bond, especially when I wore my tux.  I was just like the superspy, only flabbier and without the cool English accent and without all the kick ass gadgets.  Plus, sometimes when I eat beans, I get gassy, something I'm sure Mr. Bond never has to deal with.

But to the point, I've had a lot of dates in my life.  And I'll say this about myself; I'm nothing if not a pretty darn good date.  Really, I'm a good dater.  I generally make a really good impression, I'm witty, I'm a gentleman I try to avoid touchy subjects like politics and babies and try hard not to do anything stupid or offensive like laughing when she tells me about the horrible death of her grandma or falling asleep when they start talking about their cats.

uhhh...hey, baby, a little kiss goodnight...baby? 

This isn't to say that all of my dates turn into wonderful relationships that ultimately end up as steaming piles of crap in three months.  This also isn't to say that some of my dates don't go wildly, tragically wrong, spiralling into a death twirl before crashing into a burning heap before nights end.  Some do.

But I'd like to think that every relationship, no matter how painful, pathetic or wonderful, no matter how short or long, is an opportunity to learn.  And brothers and sisters, have I done some learning in my lifetime.  So it is with a sense of hope for all of bachelordome that I come to you to spread some of my hard earned wisdom and knowledge.

Now, I've covered good dates in previous entries.  Plus, we've all seen the magazine articles on "how to get that perfect mate," or "How to plan the perfect date."  Some of those lists are just a bunch of hooey.  And I say this, as a list writer myself.  Not that my lists are inaccurate necessarily, or that there aren't some tried and true techniques in there that work.  My lists are perfectly fine. 

The problem is that no two people are alike.  I suppose that's what makes dating and relationships such a roller coaster in the first place.  But because of these differences, dating can take on several different incarnations, some work for you, some don't.

For instance, I like to go to baseball games for dates, or jazz clubs, or even hit a slimy dive bar where we can talk untilt he wee early hours under dim lights and surrounded by toothless alcoholics who swear they hear the voice of Carol Burnette and smell vaguely like urine and porn shops.  Hey, these dates work for me. 

For you, well, you might not enjoy dive bars as much as I do and you might be revulsed at the thought of spending four hours at Coors Field.  So trying to tell people how to plan a perfect date is kind of an effort in futility; like herding cats or trying to have a logical conversation with uber-religious folks.

But there ARE some things that are universal to dating and, sadly, most of them are bad.  You, as a bachelor can do and say all the right things, on the surface anyway, but it's really the little things that can absolutely kill any chance you might have of reaching second base or even a second date.

The Little Things:

I've also had a chance to talk to a lot of women about dating over the years.  Sometimes it's former dates, but mostly, it's friends who tell me about their dating horror stories.  In each and every bad date story, there are always, ALWAYS some similar themes that run through each of them. 

Before I move on, let me say this.  I'm not talking about idiosyncrasies that might be specific to a certain woman.  For example, I once ruined a date right at the very beginning simply by holding a door open and pulling the chair out for my date to sit in.  She said it showed I was trying to "exert my male power" over her or something stupid like that.

Although, in retrospect, it might have been that I told her that was a stupid thing to think.  I'm pretty positive that calling your date stupid ten minutes into the date ruins any chances you might have with her. 

We all know those kinds of little things and, basically, we can't help those issues.  Some people simply weren't meant to be with certain people.  I clearly was not meant to be with that woman, or any woman who is going to be offended that I held the door open for her.  That's how I was raised, I can't help it.

What I'm talking about here are the things you do, or don't do, without thinking that are pretty major faux pas.  Of course, there are really big things like showing up smelling like you just worked out and haven't showered in a week.  Women love men who smell good.  Ask any woman you know, and they'll tell you that a good smelling man is like an aphrodesiac. 

Also, these are major dating no-no's from a male point of view.  In other words, these are things that we do, as men, that are absolutely certain to ruin any date.  Some of these things aren't gender specific.  In these cases, I'll mention that if a woman does it, it's certain to ruin any chances she might have with the bachelor.

So without further ado, here is the list:

1.  Be late - Okay, I have a problem with this.  And if you're in Spain or Italy or Latin or South America, time has less meaning.  But if your'e dating a typical American woman, being late is a huge turn-off.  It sends the signal that she's not important enough for you to show up on time.  Not exactly a great way to start off a date.

2.  Be wishy-washy - Listen, you asked her out, she accepted.  The last thing she wants is to hop into your car and have you lean over and whisper in her ear, "So, what do you want to do?"  This is a big no-no as well.  Have a plan.  You should have reservations at at least two different restaurants, three just in case.  That way if you say, "Hey, I thought we'd go to (insert restaurant name here)" and she says, "really?  I hate Italian food" you have backups in place.  Or you could say, we're going bowling, I hope you brought your wrist guard."  Maybe even, "I thought we'd go dancing, I signed us up for a Salsa class, and afterwards we'll grab mojitos, hope you brought your dancing shoes."  Whatever you do, don't ask her out on a date and then not have a plan.  Even if the plan isn't something she loves, you can always change, but at least you had a plan.

3.  Argue about money - If you asked her out, you're paying.  Don't get through the dinner or end of the night and suddenly hand her the bill with her amount owed penciled in at the bottom.  Hopefully she'll at least offer to pay her share, at which point you politely say, "thank you but no thanks."  Sometimes a woman will asolutely insist that she pays.  Don't get upset.  Just tell her that you were raised that whoever did the asking out, should pay.  Remind her that it's your pleasure and that she owes you nothing in return.  Most of the time, this will do the trick.  If she is still insistent, agree to go dutch.  All you're going to do by arguing is ruin what might have been a great time up to that point.

Ladies, this is important:  Let the guy pay.  BUT, also at least offer to pay.  This says a lot about you.  Sure, you don't really expect to pay, and you shouldn't.  But it's really the offer that matters.  

4.  Dont' lie - At first I was going to simply call this, dont talk too much.  Mostly because when men talk to much, they have a tendency to exaggerate things or tell a lie or two.  Mostly it's exaggerating stories, which a lot of men do.  It's a natural thing for guys.  But seriously, know where to draw the line.  Don't tell her you fought off five muggers in New York, or slept with 100 women by the time you were out of college.  First, that makes you a slut, second, women can see through your over-exaggerations and they will start to question everything you say.  Again, that's not good.

5.  Don't get drunk - Nothing says "I love you" like getting smashed on tequila slammers and doing a body shot with the bartendress.  No one is impressed that you can down a can of beer in three seeconds flat.  Plus, you'll slobber and you might throw up.  That alone is reason enough to say no to a second date.  But you're really sending the message that she's not interesting enough on her own without plowing yourself with alcohol so you can sit through one more story of how she just loved all of her sorority sisters SOO MUCH.  Anyway, getting drunk on the first date is a bad, bad move.

It works the other way, too:

There you have it.  No matter how good you smell, how much of a gentleman you are, what kind of car you drive or how much money you make, if you do any of these five things, you're basically screwing yourself and guaranteeing you won't get a second date.  Plus you might end up in jail.  And take it from me, who has some experience in this arena, going to jail during a date is also a great way to ruin any chances you might have with her.

Now, if you're dating a woman and you actually WANT to end it with her, but you don't want to come off as the bad buy, start employing some of these tactics.  Within a few dates, it's likely she'll break it off with you and you can move on to other conquests.  Of course this would be a cowards way out.  But I suppose it's still better than telling her you'll call and then never talking to her again. 

Although if you really want to make sure you never date her again, that's an excellent techinque as well.  Enjoy bachelors.  Until next time, peace out.

Love and Math

Sooo, I'm not a mather.  That's funny to a handful of improvisers I know, sorry about the inside joke.  For the rest, basically, I'm not very good at math.  It's not that I can't do it.  I can memorize equations and formulas pretty well.  I understand most of the basics of math.  It's just that I'm slow at it.  It takes me time.  And since most other things come very easily to me, that frustrates me. 

It's safe to say that the math and I aren't romantically involved.  We're barely on speaking terms, kind of like some of my old girlfriends.  In fact, when math and I meet on the street, we just kind of avert our eyes and awkwardly walk past each other, muttering something about having to get to the dentist or that we're late for our high colonic.

3/x cosign < 2x (425 + s) sin / tan x - 1,356 = Chris and Jenny sitting in a tree...

You might wonder why I'm brining up the subject of math in today's entry, particularly since I'm sure so many of you are waiting with baited breath for details on this weekend's party.  There's method to my madness, so patience grasshopper.

The Party:

Yes, I hosted the party.  It started late, like REAL late, like 11pm late.  It wasn't a big gathering, but we had enough alcohol to inebriate a full-on army.  Not the U.S. army.  More like the army of a small independent island-nation that still uses flintlocks as their primary weapon; but an army nonetheless.  My German friend, we'll call her Andrea because that's her name, brought over beer, whiskey, vodka and chocolate, lots and lots of German chocolate. 

Around 11:30 a handful of others showed up and we played a drinking game called Improv Kings Cup.  I won't go into details, because, well, I just won't.  Suffice to say, we all got kind of buzzy, or drunky, whatever you want to call it. 

Music was played, cigarettes were smoked, noise complaints were made and someone threw up.  A good time was had by all.  I think I passed out around 5am, which made me an hour late for my rehearsal on Sunday, which I felt very bad about.  Not only because I was an hour late, but because I had the mother of all hangovers, and I think I smelled like barf. 

I just wanted to go home and go to sleep, but instead, I ended up going to a Rapids soccer game, where my friend Darren and I nearly got into a fight with some Texans, three guys and witch of a woman.  Fortunately, cooler heads prevailed and, again, a good time was had by all.

It's The Math, Stupid:

But back to the math.  You see, on Saturday, before my party, my friend Tara came over and we recorded a few episodes of our upcoming podcast called "His View, Her View."  We're still working on the name, that's our working title right now. 

You're familiar with Tara if you've read my blog with any consistency.  She's the recently (two years) divorced woman with the ailing daughter.  It was her divorce party I went to a couple of months ago that ended with a strange 22 year old girl throwing up on my shoes. 

Anyway, it seems Tara and I have vastly different takes on things like, religion, economics, relationships, just about everything in general.  She has said, on record, she likes to ask me my advice so she can specifically do the opposite of the advice I give her.  She thinks I'm always wrong when it comes to relationship advice.  This could be true, I mean, I AM a 40 year old bachelor.  But during the conversation she started discussing the concept of mathematics and relationships.

I was fascinated by the theory and I thought I'd pass it along to all of you.  In fact, she had a couple of interesting theories which I'd like to pass on.  I'm interested in hearing from the women, because, in essence, her idea is that any woman can get any man, as long as they practice a few basic techniques.

Technique #1:

Clothes make the woman - I'm not sure this is incredibly Earth shattering.  Her theory goes like this.  Most women are fairly average looking.  But it's the ones that get dolled up, wears nice clothes, puts on the makeup, straps on the heels and gives the appearance of being beautiful that sets some women apart from others.

I don't know that I'd argue this point necessarily.  But I have to at least comment.  I think that some women, when they get really made up can have these two affects on men. 


1.  The woman instantly seems high maintenance
2.  The man can become intimidated because the woman is TOO pretty

I'm not saying that dressing down is the way to go.  If you want to attract bees, you have to use some honey, right?  But TOO pretty can work against you.  That's all I'm saying.

Technique #2:

Eye contact is the key to that first connection - Tara made a comment during taping that at one point, she felt she could have any man in a room that she wanted simply by making eye contact.  Here's how it works.

1.  Make eye contact more than once.  Make sure the guy sees you making eye contact.
2.  Once he sees you making eye contact, by the third time, hold eye contact for ten seconds or as long as possible.  If he looks away, make sure you still look at him.  He'll look back and see that you're still looking
3.  Once the long gaze has been established, smile and look away demurely
4.  Wait for him to come sit next to you 
5.  Begin dating

I have to admit, I am buying into this technique.  If I'm at a bar and I see an attractive woman, I may not make a move if I don't feel like the door is open for me.  Sometimes, like all men, I just don't feel like being rejected.  But if a woman looks back, makes eye contact and HOLDS that eye contact, that's an open door.  It's an invitation to approach her.  The eye contact is like her saying to me, "come on over big boy and let's talk."  I have to admit, this technique would be very effective in getting a bachelor to talk to you.

Technique #3:

It's all about the numbers -  This is where the math comes in.  She started to equate successful dating with online dating sites.  Now as many of you know, I have no use for online dating.  I'm all about fate and luck and turning the corner and running into your soulmate.  However, online dating sites are all about working the numbers.  Throw enough mud on a wall, something is bound to stick, right?

But Tara insists that finding the "one" is about working the numbers.  She went into a mini-statistics lesson which I won't bore you with.  But the idea is this.  Imagine dating like being a salesman.  You're selling yourself to members of the opposite sex. 

When you're a salesman, you have to talk to a lot of potential customers and you'll often get a lot of no's before you get a yes.  Dating, she says, is no different.  Like marketing, if you send out 1,0000 direct mail pamphlets, statistics show that you can expect about a one percent return on those mailings.  So, about 10 people will actually respond to that mail. 

In face to face sales meetings, you can expect a higher return, maybe 20 percent.  So now you're up to 200 people out of 1,000 you might try to sell face to face.

Now, let's put those numbers and statistics into the realm of dating, shall we?  

Let's say you go out ten nights a month.  If you're looking to find a date, meet new people, you have to be a little aggressive in actually meeting those people.  This could be as simple as going to a club and talking to strangers (at her divorce party, I probably met 15-20 new women that night).  It could be going to a party and meeting friends of friends.  Maybe you're at a bar with friends, there's no reason why you couldn't meet new people there.

Tara is very clear that you don't have to spend hours striking up a conversation with these people, in fact, you don't have to talk to them very long at all.  Something as simple as talking about what they're drinking, or a song being played, or what they do.  The point is just initiating a conversation, about anything.

She is also quick to point out that you aren't making a move on them.  You're simply chatting with them.  After a few minutes of chatting, you make your move, but you don't ask them out.  Here's where it gets interesting.  Tara's advice is to have a business card with you at all times.  You simply hand the person your card and say, "call me sometime."  Then you walk away. 

For instance, before the taping on Saturday, Tara stopped by a grill on the first floor of my building.  She said the guy preparing the food was cute and they chatted briefly, maybe three minutes while he got her order ready.  That, she said, would have been a perfect time to slip a card to the guy and invite him to call her. 

Now back to the math.  Her theory is this; if you go out ten times a month, and you meet, let's say two new people each time you go out, you slip them the card, say "call me" and walk away, the numbers dictate that out of those 20 people, you're likely to get 4 dates for your efforts.  That's a 20-percent return.

Now, four dates may not sound like a lot, but that's four dates a month that you didn't have before.  Plus, now you both have been able to actually see and talk to each other before your first real date, which is a far sight better than trying to go the online route.

Get Out There!

I must say that I am intrigued by this technique.  When I was in college, our basic theory was that if we kept asking girls to go home with us, the more we asked the better our chances became that we wouldn't be sleeping alone that night.  Most of the time it worked. 

Of course, if you're really active, you could meet up to 100 new potential dates or more if you go out more frequently and are liberal in giving away your business card.  I'd like to try this technique sometime if I ever get back into serious dating mode. 

So there you have it.  Three techniques designed to snare a bachelor from a woman who has no troubles at all finding dates.  Remember, we're not talking love here.  We're just talking about dating.  Of course, sometimes dating can lead to love, but, as I've said in previous posts, better to leave that expectation at home watching SNL until your five or six dates in, at least.

Ladies, what do you think?  Do you think these techniques work?  Have you tried any of them yourselves?  Guys, what's your take?  I'm fascinated to hear what you think because while I think all three of these techniques might work, you might think differently. 

Let the debate begin, and in the meantime, order yourselves some business cards...just in case.

Bachelor Party

So, I'm hosting a party this weekend.  This will come as a surprise to many of my friends who haven't heard a thing about this.  That's because, in good bachelor fashion, it was a last minute event and I haven't sent out any invitations yet.  Not that I normally send out invitation.  My party's tend to be more of a "word of mouth" kind of thing.

The aftermath of my last party.  Good times!

As for last second?  Well, I had no plans on hosting a party, but a friend came in from Germany, and she asked if I would host a party for her since she'll be headed back to the land of Bratwurst and Beer in a week.  We decided on it on Tuesday.  It's now Thursday.  So far, only about five people know about it.  But more will informed as we get to Friday and Saturday.

I love and I hate hosting parties.  I love hosting parties because, well, they're parties, and I DO love my parties.  I hate hosting parties because I have to worry about noise violations, making sure nothing really terrible happens and, of course, the clean up, both pre and post party.

Thankfully, I did a pretty solid clean up job on my apartment a few weeks ago and it's stayed pretty "clean" in that time.  Yes, I probably should dust and mop again and I have to find a place for all my dirty laundry since there's no way I'm going to plow through 10 loads of dirty clothes in a day.  So in that respect, I don't have too much to do to make my apartment party-ready.  Which is nice, because that's really the primary factor for my lack of party hosting.

The after-clean up also isn't awful, generally.  Yes, sometimes, there are some nasty little surprises in the bathroom I have to deal with and the bottle and can count is always very high.  But usually it's not something that a good hour of picking up can't handle. 

Planning?  We Don't Need No Stinkin' Planning!

I think I'm like most bachelors in that I don't generally do a lot of planning for my parties.  I decide on a date for a party, sometimes a reason, and I let people know they should come on by for a celebration.  As I said, I don't send out invitations.  You know the ones you get in the email nowadays.  Sometimes they have a little singing kitten wearing a party hat and balloons floating past.  There's an address and a reason for the party and the time almost always says, 7pm until ???.

I've always been a fan of the question marks.  It's a party hosts' wet dream, really.  The question marks mean that the party could start at 7pm, but end at 9pm when the babysitter has to go home.  Or it could mean it starts at 7pm on Friday night and ends when the last straggler has to pull their alcohol-soaked body out of the bathtub and get ready to go to work Monday morning.  It's a mystery.  And who doesn't love a mystery, right?

I prefer, when I DO send out little email invites, to say something like, "Party starts at 8-ish and ends when the sun comes up."  This way, the party is limited to a single day.  Plus, if everyone leaves at midnight, I have an excuse for sitting alone in the dark killing off the last of the Black Label.  Hey, I said the party goes until sunrise, I might as well enjoy it.

Actually, I have a bit of a problem with deciding on party start times.  In a perfect world, I'd start my parties around 8 oclock.  But when I do that, I end up sitting around by myself until around 10 when my friends actually show up.  Now, if I still have last minute cleaning to do, that's great.  But if my place is all ready to go, then waiting until ten can seem like forever. 

And I guess 10pm isn't very late to start a party.  Most of the time when I go out on the weekends, I don't head out until 10pm, so starting a party that late isn't an issue, particularly for bachelors who plan for late nights when party's are the topic.

But what makes for a good bachelor party (and just to make sure you understand, I'm not talking about a party for a man destined for the executioner's axe that is marriage.  I'm just talking about a party hosted by a bachelor).  Well, first off, to be a good bachelor's party, there don't have to be animals, strippers or drugs involved.  I mean, you can have them if you want, but they're not necessary.

This isn't to say I haven't been to some amazing parties involving animals, stripper and heavy drug use, sometimes all at the same time.  To be fair, I've never been to a party with animals in the room inside the borders of the U.S.  German and Mexico don't count because, let's face it, how many times do we all party in those two locations?

I've also been to parties with strippers, and, in all honesty, they're no more special than parties without strippers.  In fact, they're more of a distraction because of all the rules you have to follow.  No touching, no hanky panky, time limits and various other restrictions. 

Debauchery Abounds:

Now, when it comes to drug use...well, let's just say I went to CU-Boulder and leave it at that.  I remember once when I was working as a photographer in college, you know the guys.  They went to the frat and sorority parties to take photos and then the company would come back and sell the photos to the partiers at highly increased prices.  I went to a fraternity I had partied at several times before.  It as was a well-known party house.  There's a little moat in front and a volleyball court in the back.  Every weekend you just KNEW there would be a great party going on in that place.

I walked in and was greeted by a couple of guys I knew and proceeded to wander around snapping photos that, if the parents ever saw them, would pull their kids out of school immediately.  I took pics of students playing Beer slip n slide.  Naked Mexicali, turbo quarters, beer olympics, which is just too complicated to explain, just know that debauchery ran wild.

I made my way downstairs to where a live band was playing.  They sucked, but no one cared.  People were dancing and lounging and drinking.  Suddenly I was grabbed by the arm by this cute little blonde who I could barely hear over the music.  She smiled and started dragging me into a room just off the main basement.  She was slurring her words, but seemed very perky.  I quickly found out why.

In the room stood, sat or knelt about five men and women, all gathered around a coffee table lined with cocaine.  Urgently, one of the girls popped up from the table and said, "Goody, the photographer's here".  I wasn't shocked by the drugs.  I'd seen them, I'd used them, at parties from Boulder, to Fort Collins to Greeley.  What shocked me was the fact that these people wanted me to take photos of them sniffing lines of coke off a crappy coffee table.

I asked them if they were sure, warned them against it and, eventually, just snapped a bunch of photos of them snorting lines in the basement of a fraternity house. 


Oh, The Things I've Seen/And Done:

I've been to parties where people jumped off of rooftops into trees.  I've been to parties where we did coke off the ass of a hot naked blonde.  I've been to parties where people hung from the ceiling and somebody was doing welding in a corner.  I've seen and done some crazy, stupid things at parties such as hitch a ride on the back of a firetruck (note to the kids, don't try this at home), I've seen a woman do things to a donkey I never, EVER want to see again (think Mexico), and I've started a party in one city and woken up, literally in the street in an entirely different city.

I once "borrowed" a pizza hut delivery sign off a car, stood on the rafters in an outdoor theater while drinking Jack Daniels, woken up in a swimming pool, under a bed and swung like Tarzan from one building to another full of beer and tequila.  Those were all wonderful bachelor's parties.

Needless to say, my party this Saturday probably won't meet or exceed those experiences.  But that's okay.  I've done some amazingly stupid and dangerous things at parties.  I'm feeling my mortality more and more lately and I probably won't be parking my car on the sidewalk against a stop sign like I did several years ago after a birthday party.

So what DOES pass as quality bachelor's party these days?  Let me offer a humble list for your amusement.

1.  Alcohol - You need lots of alcohol, preferably not all cheap beer, but fine tequila, whiskey, scotch, rum and vodka.  You can bring the gin, but I won't be drinking it.

2.  Women - Every good party has plenty of women.  There are parties where it's acceptable to have only men at.  Think a spiritual drum circle complete with Kivas and smoke cleansing.  I don't go to those parties.  While it's nice if the women present are all single and attractive, that's not a pre-requisite.  Just having women in the room makes it a better party. 

3.  Music - Now this gets tricky.  You don't want music that's too old, or too new or too weird.  I put on my iTunes and try to keep it to a mix of new and old.  But rest assured the old music isn't Pat Boone, it's generally classic rock that will always be considered party music.  Whatever you play, make sure it has a good beat and doesn't get in the way of conversations.  I once went to a party where they played nothing but South American tribal music.  It was horrible.  Although on a positive note, it did help me figure out who I didn't want to talk to.  Anyone pretentious enough to actually extoll the virtues of how "worldly" the music was, was someone I knew I didn't want to talk to.

4.  A big kitchen - I have a small kitchen.  That sucks.  Every kitchen becomes the gathering point for every party.  Because my kitchen is so small it makes it hard to get to the alchol.  I want a bigger kitchen.

5.  A limited invitation list - I know this sounds contrary to a kick-ass party, but it's not.  Stay with me.  This is an instance of quality over quantity.  I've had parties where too many people showed up.  When that happens, things can get out of control pretty quickly.  Plus, when there are than many people there, you don't have the time to spend with the people you really want to spend time with.  Also, if that many people show up, the chances that someone you don't like shows up gets higher.  I don't want people I don't like at my parties.  I'd rather have fewer, but more fun people at my party.

There you have it.  A list to commit to memory.  The best parties, the most memorable ones are the ones that become an adventure, the ones where longtime memories are made.

A Different Beast:

The last party I hosted was my Halloween party last October.  It was a smallish affiar but I enjoyed it immensely.  It didn't last as long as some of my other parties, but we tore it up anyway.  You can always tell how good a party was by counting the number of people passed out on the floor, or by the hotness of the women waking up on your couch or in your bed.  Just saying.

Theme nights are fine, I enjoy them, but don't go overboard on them.  I went to a Mad Men party for New Years Eve and it was great because it was mellow, but some of the costumes were fantastic.  Listen, parties today aren't your father's party.  You don't sit around mixing martini's and listening to pop records on the hi-fi.  Good parties can get messy.  Good parties are loud.  Good parties create memories.

Now get out there and create some memories.  I'll update you on the party next week.

Spring Is In The Air!

I love Winter.  I'm a big fan.  I love the cold, the clouds, the gray skies and falling snow.  Nothing is as peaceful and relaxing to me than a cold winter night when the streets are deserted and the snow is falling and the only thing you can see from your window is the soft glow from the streetlights.  It's heaven to me.  Plus, girls wear sweaters, and we can all agree that sweaters rock, right?

Alas, there is ONE problem with winter that I have to deal with; jeans.  Not that I have to wear jeans, I do that already.  I'm talking about the women with jeans. 

Okay, okay, before you go all Gloria Steinem on me, I have no problem with women in jeans.  Jeans are fine.  Here's the thing, though, I love skirts.  No, not on me, fool, on women.  That's because I'm a leg man.  I'm not a breast guy. 

Damn woman...that's just...hot!

Of course, when I tell women this, they absolutely don't beleive me.  For some reason, women are raised to believe that the only aspect of thier body that men pay any attention to are the breasts.  This couldn't be further from the truth.  Some guys are ass guys, some prefer breasts, guys like me are leg men.  I even know some men who are attracted to necks and there's one guy I know who absolutely goes wild over nice ankles.  Don't even get me started on the ones who adore feet. 

The point is, breasts are only one aspect of the female form that men pay overt attention to.  Sure, nice breasts look great in sweaters and great booties are slammin' in tight jeans.  But for me, nothing beats a great set of pins in a dress or skirt (I've somehow reverted to film noir-speak for no apparent reason, sorry). 

Spring Has Sprung!

This is why, despite the rising temperatures, the allergy attacks and the terrorizing winds, I love Spring.  I don't adore Spring.  I mean, I'm not planning on marrying it or having tiny little seasons.  That space is reserved for Winter.  But I do have a serious crush on Spring.

I love Spring because women's fashions just fit my fancy better.  Suddenly the large heavy coats are tucked away in the closet, those horrible, horrible boots return to their rightful place under the bed and the jeans are replaced with skirts.

I was at the Corner Office last night, a tiny little bar near my apartment.  It's kind of a yuppie-ish, retro-style bar that caters to downtown professionals and theater-goers.  I was sitting with a couple of friends and the topic of women's dresses came up.  Before I go forward, I have to mention that there was at least one woman involved in the conversation.

Not all the guys were leg-men, but, as men, we all could appreciate a nice set of women's gams (seriously, I'm going to use all 1950's terminology for women's legs).  Some of the guys liked the short shorts, others liked the cheerleader skirt, the schoolgirl skirt, the pencil skirt, the poodle skirt, etc.  What we all greed on was that skirts and dresses are way undervalued by women today.

We also could agree on another aspect; the 50's look is hot. I don't know if it's the popularity of the TV show, Mad Men, but more and more women are sporting the dresses that fall just below the knee.  There's also something to be said about women's fashions in the 40's, 30, and 20's as well.  I don't know why, but I've always loved that look.  It's seductive and still sexy.

The dresses that are the best leave something to the imagination.  They hint at sexy, without revealing too much.  It announces a challenge, something to work for, it allows for the chase, teasing but not letting in too easily.

She's Got The Look!
A History Lesson

And maybe that's why men love the "look" of the skirt or dress.  We all know that men love the librarian look, the secretary look, the schoolgirl look, the cheerleader look.  Certainly there's an element of innocence that men find attractive.

From an anthropological standpoint, there's a reason why men tend to be attracted to the "innocent" appearance, and no, it has nothing to do with pedophilia...get your minds out of the gutter.  In the Neolithic era, most people wore the same things.  Hides, woven camisks of leather or basic fabric.  As a species, we weren't worried about slutty or demure.  You just wore clothes to hide the naughty parts.

As we evolved, we continued to care little about the clothing that men and women wore.  In fact, until about 300-250 BCE, men and women wore very similar clothes.  Certainly the Greeks and Romans wore clothing that differentiated themselves, such as large flowing robes, capes and dresses, even the men.  But this had more to do with status rather than separation of the sexes.

Let's jump ahead to just after the fall of the Roman Empire, though and see how everything changes.  Suddenly we're dumped into a world of kings and peasants, the plague, and religious dominance and intolerance.  During these formative centuries, women who were promiscuous tended to dress more provocatively.  They were shunned and generally died from diseases.  Diseases that were often passed on to the men who paid for their services.  These men also often died from horrible diseases.

This sexual repression carried on through until the 20th Century.  Even in more developed societies such as England and France, it was the woman who dressed "high class" with clothing that  covered nearly every bit of their bodies, that were desired.  The prostitutes dressed entirely differently and were often, again, diseased and died young from horrible diseases.  Are you seeing a pattern here?

There's a purity in the "looks" that me are attracted to.  There's a safety and class about those looks.  Plus it brings out the primitive man inside of us to want to protect.  It makes us feel needed, powerful and respected. 

Go Out and Get It!

Me, I simply love women in skirts and dresses.  It can be a pleated skirt, a 50's housewife dress, or a secretary's pencil skirt.  I don't care.  I just love the look.  There's something about a woman who wears a skirt with confidence.  It says want me for my body, love me for my brains, or soething like that.  Unless of course they're wearing a skirt that falls way too high on their thighs, then it just says love me because I'm slutty...which is just fine as well.

In the end, it comes down to the changing of the seasons.  Spring is one of my favorite times of the year precisely because women start showing off their legs again.  Bachelors are particularly sensitive to the areas of a woman's body they are attracted to.  If you want to snag a bachelor, find out what he likes and then doll it up.

If he's a breast guy, wear sweaters, show off that cleavage.  If he's a leg guy, start wearing skirts.  If he's a butt guy, toss on those tight jeans.  And if he's an ankle or foot guy, well, move to Bermuda and throw your shoes and socks away.

Take advantage of the season and show off what you've got, ladies.  Bachelors will respond.  After all, it's been a long, cold winter.  Let the thaw begin!

Make the First Move

I love movies, although I don't see nearly as many as I used to.  Not anymore, at least.  When I was a kid, I used to see movies every week.  My mom and I would go on Saturdays.  I think it was as much of an escape for her, trying to raise a boy as a single mother who had to work long hours to make ends meet.  Looking back, I know that she probably cherished the time she had to spend with me, the movie was most likely irrelevant.

When I got older, in high school.  I used to go see movies once a week still.  I was working a part time job in high school to pay for the dollar movies at the old Aurora Mall Theaters, right next to the arcade.  We'd get there early, play some video games, you know the vintage ones, like Donkey Kong and Joust and Tron (aaahhh, yes...the 80's). 
 

 Worst...speed dating...session...EVER!

In the summers, I worked at a restaurant across the parking lot from a movie theater, and when I worked the afternoon shifts, I'd go across the way, walking across the blacktop in the scorching heat and meet my friends waiting in the shade under the theater awning.

There was nothing like walking into that theater, the cold blast of recycled air, the smell of the popcorn, the rush of seeing something new and exciting.

I remember the day I stopped going to the movies regularly.  I was hanging out with a girl named Cindy, had a huge crush on her.  We were going to go see a movie, but we ended up hanging out in the parking lot drinking beers, smoking weed and listening to Pink Floyd's "The Wall".  We made out later that night and I was in heaven.  Suddenly, movies didn't seem so important.  We continued to hang out for a couple of weeks.

In fact, about two weeks later, I had a birthday party at a friends house.  At some point, late in the night when the alcohol was nearly gone and the lights were dim, I found Cindy in my friends' parents bedroom under the covers.  The crush was crushed.  I didn't see a movie for months after that.  Every time I thought about seeing a movie, I kept thinking of that magical evening in the parking lot with Cindy and I did something else instead.

Life-Altering Moments:

Why, you might ask, am I prattling on about movies?  I suppose because movies can have an impact in our lives.  Like a good book.  I remember when I first read 1984.  Changed my life.  That's probably why I have problem with authority.  But movies can have the same impact.  Think of the movies you've seen that stick with you.

There's a moment in E.T. that I will always remember, the moment when the kid releases all the frogs and makes a connection with that girl he likes in his class.  I spent the next year in science class trying to figure out how to release all the frogs just so I could impress Tanya Jerrell.  Sadly, the frogs were already dead, so my strategy was doomed before it even started.

I felt the same way after seeing "Lost In Translation".  Loved it.  Same with Blade Runner and Secretary, Star Wars, Lawrence of Arabia and Raiders of the Lost Ark.  I have a new movie to add to that pantheon of movies; "Up In The Air."

It's a bachelor movie.  It's a movie about bachelors, for bachelors.  Well, aging bachelors, actually.  It takes everything we hold dear, freedom, fun, independence, casual sex, and turns it on its head.  It was one of those movies that made me sit still for a bit afterwards and really think about what I had just seen.

I've reached the conclusion that "Up In The Air" is like the movie Swingers, but, you know, for entirely different reasons.  For the longest time I've told women that there are a handful of movies they should watch if they really want an insight into the male mind.  There aren't too many out there, you know.

Swingers is one of them.  It's like a map of the 20-something bachelor mind.  Every 24 year old manchild wants to be "money", like the wolf with the fangs...SOOO money (watch the movie, you'll get it). 

Then there's "High Fidelity" a frightening look into the neurotic, sometimes terrifying, always self sabotaging mind of the 30-something bachelor.  It even comes complete with full instructions on creating the "perfect mix tape" which reached it's peak in the early 90's, but still manages to be relevant even today.

It's a Thinker:

As I stave off middle age, still single, and oddly okay with that, a movie like "Up In The Air" hits home.  It raises questions that, frankly, I have been avoiding for quite some time.  Do I need to grow up?  Are things like commitment and raising a family and making solid plans for the future really the things I should be focusing on now?  Is it really okay to be content with the thought that I might never get married or have children, even though I've always thought that my 40's would be a good time to start a family if I ever got to that point?  Is it okay that I really don't think about that kind of thing very much, except, of course, after I watch movies like U.I.T.A.?

Quite honestly, I don't know the answers to these questions.  But I suppose that's why I like movies like that one, and Lost In Translation.  Because they make me think.  They make me question my lifestyle, my choices and take a look at where I'm at and where I'm going.

I find as I get older, I miss my friends more when I'm not with them.  I dread the days when I don't have a show perform in.  Not because I won't be performing, but because I will miss the comraderie with the rest of the cast, the time I spend with my friends, the magic of making something beautiful (most of the time) with them to entertain others.

I hold onto those moments, I look forward to them, perhaps too much.  Because those moments fill out my week, they give a purpose to all the crap I do the previous six days.  Those moments motivate me, they push me.  If I can just get through to Friday, then my reward is three wonderful hours with people I love to be with, doing something that brings me joy.

I suppose I should get another hobby, you know, to balance things out in my life.  But things go in cycles.  Sometimes, I'm busier than seems humanly possible, other times in my life, I have less to do and it's the little things that keep me going.

But I also ask these questions because of something else that happened over the weekend.  

Last Thursday night, around 1am, I got a call from a friend.  A woman.  A woman who I like very much as a friend and a woman who is going through a lot in her life.  If I were a different man, I'd be there for her more.  I'd dote on her, I'd do things to make her life easier.  But I'm not that guy. Yes, I care about her and it makes me sad what she's going through.  But we are two really different people.  Our relationship has never gone past the stage of being good friends, which we're both more than okay with.

She calls me and tells me about how she made the first move with a guy she met at a bar.  This isn't like her.  She's very conservative, very traditional.  As such, she has always believed that men absolutely have to make the first move.  She has said with pride, on several occasions  that she has never asked a guy out.  I suppose that isn't true now, but that isn't the point.

The point is that it raises a good question about gender issues and roles in society as we move into the second decade of the new millenium.  I've always thought it was perfectly okay for a woman to ask a guy out.  But she really questions whether a real, strong, honest relationship could ever develop from a woman making the first move with a guy.

Now remember, this is a woman with very strong, conservative and traditional convictions.  A woman who got married early, found out her husband wasn't who he said he was, and is now feeling her way in the world as a single person for the first time in her adult life.  Somewhere along the way, compromises have to be made, new realities have to be faced.

It's okay, today, for women to be bolder, to make the first move, to initiate a relationship.  In my opinion, does it really matter who makes the first move?  In the end, both parties are going to have to work together to make any kind of relationship work.

Really, It's Okay:

I think I can say, with confidence, that most bachelors are perfectly okay with a woman not only showing interest, but making the first move.  There are a lot of games that people play when meeting someone for the first time.  And the games can be fun.  We flirt, we hint, we are coy and then aggressive, shy, but open, vulnerable yet confident.  We can be ourselves, we can be someone completely different.  That's part of the fun of new relationships.

So, ladies, excuse the men if sometimes we might glance across a room at you, letting our gaze stick just a little too long, and smile crookedly as we make eye contact, but then never make a move.  Sometimes, even if we really want to, the thought of approaching you and making the first move is overshadowed by the thoughts of putting in the work to charm you, to woo you, only to find out you're dating someone, or you're just looking for a fling or maybe you're not interested at all.

Most of the time, those things don't stop us.  But every now and then, we're tired.  We just want a drink with friends.  Bachelors are used to rejection.  We're trained at a young age to be able to deal with people, women especially, telling us, "no thank you."

And if you're dating someone, but showing interest in us, your relationship status really doesn't matter to us.  Sometimes the fun is in the chase alone, or the ego boost we get from just knowing someone was interested.  And we lock away all those thoughts of relationships gone bad, because we're not thinking that far ahead.  It really just boils down to, sometimes we don't have the energy to make that first move.

However, if you make the first move, then half the work is already done for us.  We're willing to take that leap if you just push us a little.  After that, it's all on equal footing and it doesn't matter who said what to who first.

in the end, I guess it boils down to what you want.  Are you so attracted to that guy or gal that you simply can't resist taking that first step, regardless of the consequences?  Are you looking for a one night stand, or something more serious?  Are you willing to put in the time to figure out what the other one wants?  For one moment, ladies, you get to be in the shoes of the bachelor.  Enjoy it.

Feel the power and the freedom of making the first move.  Feel the pride when you get shot down, knowing you had the guts to step out of your comfort zone and approach that attractive single across the bar.  It's liberating, it really is. 

So get out there, ladies.  Make the first move.  Buy them a drink, ask them their sign, come up with a creative and funny "line" to make contact.  Find yourself a wingman.  If you're lucky, you might just find yourself at a movie, holding hands and enjoying at least one night of companionship.

And that can be more life-changing than any mere movie could ever be.

Great Bachelor Dates!

In honor of opening day of baseball at Coors Field in Denver, I'm going to do something a little bit different.  I've been doing a lot of lamenting and complaining, I think, in this blog lately.  Mea Culpa.  Although I DID get some great comments on yesterday's post.  Thank you to Jane and Amy for offering up the female point of view when it comes to things they hate about bachelors.  Loved it.

For today, I'm going to talk about great dates.  Not so much stories of great dates, although I've had my share.  But really, great, unusual places and activities for dates.  Obviously, this will change from person to person.  But I think any of these could be potential great dates for anyone considering dating a bachelor or bachelorette.

Umm..honey, when you mentioned the mile high club, I had something totally different in mind!

For me, one of my criteria for a "dateable" lady is that she has to enjoy baseball.  She doesn't have to be a walking encyclopedia of baseball stats.  Hell, I don't even have that kind of information, although I DO love me some baseball.  But she has to at least have an appreciate of the game. 

One of the best dates I ever had was at a baseball game.  Scratch that.  Two of the best dates I've ever had was at a baseball game.  The first was years ago, 1994.  Yes, I remember that long ago.  I was a poor kid just starting out in my career and didn't have a lot of money (so at least that part of my bio hasn't changed). 

Baseball date Memory #1

We met at work and I asked her out.  I knew she was a big Cubs fan (note to self, dating a cubs fan is like dating an actress, it almost never works out).  Anyway, the Cubs were in town for a three game series.  The games were still being played at old Mile High Stadium in those days and I scored a couple of tickets from the paper.  My memories of that day are a little fuzzy.  But here's what I DO remember.  I remember we sat in the left field stands (the ones that used to move in and out for baseball games) and we were about halfway up from the huge net that hung up in front of us to make it harder to hit homers on that short left porch (ah, baseball slang, don't you LOVE it!). 

I remember it being a beautiful Colorado summer day.  A front had moved in earlier in the day so it was cooler, a breeze was blowing and the sun was out.  The sky was a deep blue, not a cloud in sight.  The stadium was packed, as is always the case when the Cubs come to town and there were probably more Cubs fans than Rockies fans, even back then. 

We grabbed ourselves a couple of beers and some hot dogs and found our seats to enjoy the game.  Here's a wonderful thing about baseball; you don't actually have to watch the game to stay interested.  In fact, the pleasure of baseball is simply being at the park.  My date looked fantastic in her white shorts and cute little tennis shoes and her long brown hair pulled back into a pony tail which flowed out from under her Cubs baseball cap like a chocolate waterfall. 

I also remember at one point a Rockies batter hit a home run that landed about two rows in front of us.  We were so engrossed in our conversation that we didn't even see it coming until it was almost right on top of us.  We laughed, we exchanged baseball barbs, we cheered for our teams.  It was love at first strike. 

I couldn't tell you the score of the game, although I'm pretty sure the Cubs won.  To be honest, I can't even tell you the name of the woman, although I'm pretty sure it was Cindy.  But the memories of that afternoon, spent with someone I wanted to get to know better and of that wonderful afternoon and of the time spent on a date at the ballpark will never leave me.  Some things stay with you.

Baseball Date Memory #2

The other great date I had at a baseball game came years later when I was working at KUSA.  As a going away gift, the station gave my intern two tickets to the station suite to see a game.  At the time, we had been working together for about four months, very closely and although I had no interest in her when we began, I found myself flirting with her, and she responded. 

She said she had a boyfriend at the time, so I just assumed she would take him to the game.  You can imagine how stunned I was when she asked me to go with her.  Of course I said yes.  Once again, I remember the atmosphere of the game.  The smell of the food, the ice cream in a helmet, the crack of the bat, the view of the emerald field sprawling before us as we look out into the stadium.  It was beautiful. 

I think the Rockies were playing the Expos, and I think they won.  But what I remember most is sitting in the seats just outside the suite watching the game next to my intern.  It was a warm summer night, clear sky and just a hint of a breeze.  We had escaped the bustle of the suite behind us where salespeople were talking potential advertisers into buying time on the station.  It was just the two of us outside, with some of the other interns and a couple of newsroom folks still inside. 

I remember not paying too much attention to the game.  My date and I were trying not to let anyone else see us holding hands or stealing kisses between innings.  I DO remember the name of this woman, but I'm not saying.  She still works in TV, although not in Denver.  We dated for a while after that, but nothing will ever compare to the innocence, the joy, the excitement we felt at that baseball game, our first real date.

So, you see, to me, baseball games hold some special memories for me.  I think they're great dates and I'd take a woman out on a date to a game in a heartbeat again if I get the chance.  If I ask a woman out on a date to a game and she balks, I know that she's probably not the one for me.  It's a measuring stick, of a sort, and I'm okay with that.

10 Other Great Dates:

But, this being Colorado, there are so many different fun things to do that could constitute a great bachelor date.  Of course, not all of these activities are for everyone, but perhaps they might give you some ideas.

1.  Mountain climbing, biking, hiking, etc. -  So many friends of mine have met through some kind of outdoor activity, which only makes sense because it's Colorado.  I'm not much for hiking or biking or mountain climbing, but it might work for you.

2.  Skiing - You might think this falls into the above category, but it doesn't.  This is because anyone can ski, not everyone can climb a friggin' mountain.  I've done ski dates, and they're fantastic.  Skiing with a date is a great way to bond, or it could drive a wedge between you, either way, your relationship will probably never be the same afterwards.

3.  Tubing - Staying with the "outdoor" theme, tubing is fun, liesurely way of having a fun date.  It's better than swimming and it's less stressful than the other dates mentioned.  You just put a tube on a river and float down, laughing, talking and splashing.  River rafting falls into the same genre, only you're doing it with others and it's a little more dangerous.  You don't want your date to fall off and drown just as you're getting to know them.  Risky, but fun.

4.  A-thoning - As Amy mentioned in her comment yesterday, there are a lot of runner in Colorado.  A lot of people bond through training for a marathon and then running a marathon.  This isn't for me, I'd rather poke my eyes out with a stick than run a marathon, but hey, it works for some folks.

5.  Museums - I LOVE museums.  Art museums, history museums, they all rock!  Going to see an exhibit with a date is a wonderful way to get closer to a date, find out about them and have fun at the same time.  Plus, you might learn something, which is always a bonus. 

6.  Karaoke - There's a catch here.  You can't do this date on a Friday or Saturday night.  It's too crowded and loud to have any kind of actual conversation.  But if you do it during a night that isn't too crowded, it can be a very special date, kind of like an old Facts of Life episode, only without the teen drama.  Doing karaoke makes you a little vulnerable, and nothing brings people closer than being vulnerable together.  Plus, if you can sing, you can win her heart by singing her a love song.  It hasn't worked for me yet, but I haven't given up on it.

7.  Doing something dangerous - Sky diving, bunjee jumping, spelunking, Scuba diving, all things that could kill you.  So file this under the heading of, "if it doesn't kill us, it makes us stronger".  Once again, like karaoke, nothing bonds you faster than almost dying together.  Or it could make her hate you forever.  

8.  A community event -  These are great.  I keep trying to get a woman to go with me to the Furry Scurry in Denver.  I think it'd be a great date.  Surrounded by thousands of dogs, walking your own pet.  Two miles of walking, playing with dogs and talking.  Then you can grab lunch afterwards, or hell, even havea  picnic in the park.

9.  Speaking of picnics -  They are great for getting to know a date.  Usually there's a large group of people there, so it's less threatening, there's some kind of activity going on, like volleyball or flag football or kickball, there's food, drinks and all kinds of time to talk and hang out together.  Plus, if it's going well, you can leave anytime you want.  It's a win-win.

10.  Drinks at a bar -  Let me explain.  I'm not talking about going to a bar to get hammered.  I'm talking about meeting at a local, quiet bar where you can just sit and talk, maybe play a game of darts and really get to know each other.  Avoid the crowded bars, it's too hard to talk in them and they're full of younger men with better bodies who might steal your date away.  And no one wants that.

11.  Camping -  This is an extra idea, and one that could be even riskier than sky diving or karaokeing and river rafting.  This is definitely NOT first date material.  But after a couple of months, a quiet weekend in the mountains, alone, preferably near some hot springs, might be worth a try.  You'll get to know someone very quickly after three days in the wilderness alone.  Like that old Seinfeld bit, a weekend trip together is like 10 dates packed into one.  Subsequently, a two day camping trip is like six months of dating crammed into a weekend.  If you still want to be with her afterwards, and vice-versa, then there might be hope for you and her.

As you can see, I have a particular criteria at work here.  Anything you do has to allow you to be able to actually talk to your date.  This is why more traditional dates aren't on the list.  Things like dance clubs, concerts, movies or shows or most sporting events aren't great bachelor dates.  They don't allow you to talk to your potential partner. 

So, gear up, get out and start taking some more unusual dates.  In the end, whatever you decide to do, make sure it's something that you'll enjoy.  That way, even if the date turns out to be completely disasterous, at least you'll have fun.  And isn't that the whole point anyway? 

Enjoy!

Hey, Don't Do That!

I'm gonna rant a little bit here.  Is that okay?  Can I rant?  Cool.  Don't worry, it's not a big rant.  In fact, it's less of a rant and more of a laundry list of don'ts.  Sure, I've spent a lot of time on this blog so far talking about what bachelors are like, what bachelors enjoy, what attracts bachelors and so on. 

I know, I know, I left the toilet seat up...so sue me!

But today, I want to offer up some advice for women, and men, hoping to attract a bachelor or a bachelorette.  Basically, this is an entry with some friendly tips of what NOT to do to attract a bachelor.  Of course, as always this comes from a man's point of view, so any perspective from the women's point of view is always welcome.

Really, this is a list of things that bachelors don't like.  And I'm not talking about things like broccolli or brussel sprouts (seriously, who eats those things willingly?).  I'm talking about something I hit on in the last entry, things that women (and men) do when trying to attract a bachelor of the opposite sex.

So sit back, buckle up and enjoy the ride, this should be good:

1.  Don't nitpick - Really, I shouldn't have to say this, but it appears I do.  Yes, we know that our hair might not be perfect, or our bathroom isn't as clean as it possible could be, or that we haven't shaved in a week.  We know that.  We don't need you to point out all of our flaws.  We still want to be with you even when you don't shave your legs, so cut us some slack.  An addendum here, nailing us on important stuff like not driving drunk, stopping smoking and no murder is okay to nitpick on...I guess.

2.  We don't want you to be our mother - First, that's just sick.  The fact is, we probably like you becaus you're NOT our mother.  This doesn't mean we don't love our mothers, but we don't want to date someone who is just like her.  We spent 18 years growing up with our mother, we want something different, something fun and exciting and wild.  Mothers don't really fit into that mold.  Ladies, if you start dating a bachelor who wants you to be like his mother, or says things like, "My mom made her meatloaf differently" or "My mother always did my laundry," or "wow, you look great, just like my mom," run away...run away fast!

3.  Don't drop in unexpected - When the dating is first getting started, one of the most annoying things that you can do is to just pop by unexpectedly.  Chances are, we are sitting around in our boxers, watching crap tv in a house that is "this close" to being condemned by the EPA.  This isn't how we want you to see us.  You're in for nothing but disappointment if you drop in on your bachelor unannounced and it's going to embarrass us and anger us.

4.  Dont' embarrass us - Speaking of no-no's, don't embarrass us.  You can make us mad, we'll get over it, because we like you.  But if you embarrass us, especially in front of our friends, we'll never forget it.  This is because the male is driven by his ego.  Our ego's are huge.  When you embarrass us by telling stories of how we are in bed, or something really stupid we did, or retelling a story our mother told over dinner one night, we start to question how much you really care for us.  Really, we just don't understand when a woman embarrasses us in public.  Why would you do it?  We want to be your knight, your strength, your source of pride.  When you embarrass us, it's like you're saying, "I think of you as less than a man."  And that hurts.

5.  Don't compare - Here's another little tip, ladies...with men, everything is a competition, everything.  Arguments are a competition, lovemaking is a competition, the time you spend with us is a competition.  So when you start comparing us to other men you work with, or spend time with, or used to date, we get competitive.  We see it as a challenge.  And I know what you're thinking.  You're wondering why we have to be so competitive and insecure.  I don't have any answers for you, we're just hardwired that way. 

6.  Don't pressure - By now, you probably know that men simply don't conversate the same way women do.  Sometimes we just don't have much to say.  At these times, don't pressure us to talk.  Don't pressure us to take the relationship to the next level and for God's sake, don't pressure us to marry you.  Pressuring us is a sure way to push us away.  Things work out the way they're supposed to work out, you can't rush a bachelor.  If you do, you risk losing him.

7  We hate crying - Not only do we hate crying ourselves, we hate it when you cry.  We have no defense for that, truly.  The hardest, meanest man in the world becomes a puddle of goo when confronted by a crying woman.  It's like your superpower or something.  When we argue, crying is simply unfair, and it drives us crazy.  Even when you're crying over something that we didn't do, we feel terrible about it.  We feel like we let you down and we have no way to help you.  Because we can hug you and try to comfort you, but we know you'll just cry later when we're not around and we feel awful about that.  Remember, big girls don't cry.

8.  Don't expect jewelry - This fall right under the heading of "don't be high maintenance" and I've already done a full entry on that one.  This isn't to say that we won't get you expensive gifts to show you how much we care, or even that we don't like getting you expensive gifts.  What it IS saying is that we absolutely HATE it when you start expecting expensive gifts as a symbol of our relationship.  That is not only supremely annoying, it's just not cool and bachelors will flee from you as if you were a banshee.

9.  We hate it when you get possessive - Okay, moment of admission here, I have, in my past, been guilty of doing this.  Jealousy is an ugly thing, but most of us have to deal with it at some point.  Once again, this is a great way to end a relationship quickly.  But this isn't about cheating, it's about people being people.  It's too sexist to say that men's eyes just wander, because the truth is, everybody's eyes wander.  If you're at a bar and an attractive man or woman walks past and your date takes a second to catch a look, don't freak out.  Just because we look doesn't mean we're not attracted to you.  It means we like to look at attractive things.  It's that simple, so don't get all freaked out when it happens because it will eventually.

10.  Don't change who we are - First off, it will never work.  We are who we are and though we might be able to learn how to show up on time, or learn to use our phones to remember your birthday, underneath it all, we will never change.  This is a particularly woman thing to do.  I know, again I'm being sexist, but it happens.  For some reason some women want to dress up their bachelors in different clothes, make them look and act differently and that's just a road to disaster you can never come back from.  Work on the little things like getting your guy to put the toilet seat down and picking his dirty clothes off the floor.  You'll have much more luck in those endeavors than trying to make us someone who we aren't.

So there you have it.  Ten things that bachelors really don't like.  I left off a few things like, hanging up in the middle of an argument, telling your girlfriends all the little relationship secrets or leaving tampons on the bathroom counter.  But you get the point. 

I hope I didn't offend anyone.  This was meant in the spirit of helpfullness, not anger.  I love women, I do.  I just thought I'd toss out a few things that you should know in your pursuit of a bachelor.  Now, get out there and pick up your feminine hygiene products up off the bathroom vanity.  Do it, do it now.

P.S.  Anyone wanting to post the top ten things that bachelorettes don't like, please post in the comments, I'd love to hear them.  In fact, I probably NEED to hear them.  Ciao!

The Care and Feeding of the Modern Bachelor

So, I'm watching "I Robot" the other day with a friend.  Good movie.  Explosions, robots, relatively attractive chick, a motorcycle and some random kid, apparently for comic relief.  In case you haven't seen the movie, Will Smith plays a detective in the year 2035.  Robots are like pets and Mr. Smith doesn't like robots.  That would be like me living in a world where cats serve as butlers.

No need to get into the plot of the movie, because, well, 1) it's based on an old Issac Asimov story but doesn't really follow the plot, other than the three rules of robotics; and 2) the plot doesn't matter for this entry.  Still, if you get the chance to see the movie, do it, you'll enjoy it.

 I know, ladies, ou're looking right past the mess at the dude with the cool hair.

Anyway, I'm watching the movie and a scene comes up, early in the movie showing a half naked Will Smith in his boxers, standing over a half-eaten something, maybe a pie, maybe a leftover meal from the night before, who knows.  What I DO know is that my friend saw that and gasped in disgust.

"How could he eat that!?" she exclaimed.  "It's been sitting out all night.  How does he not get sick?  That's sick.  That's not real, is it?"

It's Real, Very Real:

I chuckled at the question and her naivety.  Because of course it's true.  Most, well, at least many, bachelor treat meals like a sprint or at the very least a necessary speedbump during the course of a hectic day.  Here's another bit of insight, our immune systems tend to be like iron pots.  Bachelors will think nothing of leaving out a carton of milk for a few hours, or lunch meat, mayo, veggies sitting on the counter just a little too long.

Open the fridge of any bachelor, and chances are, you'll find an open can of beans half eaten, milk beyond its expiration date, cheese with an entirely new form of life growing on it.  That's not to say we're all slobs.  We're just...well...bachelors.  That's what we do.

I have had way too many meals consisting of the previous nights leftovers, cold pizza, cold spaghetti, whatever was left in the pan from the day before.  Here's my rule for food:

1.  If it's not moldy, lumpy or slimy, it's probably still good to eat.
2.  Like my clothes, if it doesn't smell bad, it's probably still good to eat...or wear.

Pretty simple, huh?  Because bachelors don't really think of food in terms of "meals" we think nothing of leaving food sitting around the house.  This way meals are more like opportunistic snacks.  Oh, a half eaten power bar?  Lunch!  A nibbled on sandwich?  Breakfast!  Pizza crusts from three days earlier?  Dinner!  It's a good system, really, it works.

I can pretty much guarantee you that the only time bachelors really sit down and cook, I mean really cook, not just tossing a frozen meal in the microwave or slapping together a roast beef sandwich with soup, is when we either have a date, or when we're hosting a party.  We have to have motivation, otherwise, cooking for one is just a big pain in the ass.

Motivate Me, Baby!

For most bachelors, we treat laundry and cleaning in much the same way.  We need motivation.  The myth that bachelors will rummage through their clothes, most likely strewn about the room, smelling them and checking for stains before putting them on is NOT a myth.  We do it.  We do it all the time.  In fact, I'm pretty certain that Febreeze was invented specifically because bachelors do this, all the time.

Cleaning is all about the motivation.  I clean.  I just don't do it as often as I should.  As I sit here, I am sitting in a relatively clean apartment.  I did a pretty thorough spring cleaning a couple of weeks ago.  I moved furniture, mopped, scrubbed, dusted.  I even bought those brillo pads to wash down the kitchen.  I didn't really get to the laundry, it's still piled on my bed, which is why I sleep on the couch.  Well, one of the reasons I sleep on the couch, mostly I do that because I'm too lazy to move to my bed, about 20 feet away.

Now, two weeks later, I'm looking at an apartment that still doesn't have dishes in the sink, doesn't have crap littering the coffee table and no need to dust yet.  I'm pretty proud of that.  If suddenly a woman wanted to come up to my apartment, I wouldn't be embarrassed to have them up, and that's a big step for me. 

It's funny how quickly things get out of control for bachelors.  I hit 7-11 every day for a pack of cigs and a Big Gulp (healthy, right?).  Suddenly, before I know it, all my big gulp cups have multiplied into about 20 cups, large and small, among take out containers, fast food wrappers and dirty dishes.  It's like the cups are having nasty cup sex when I'm sleeping and giving birth to all kinds of other cups and litter.  I don't even know how it builds up so fast.  One day my coffee table is litter free, and the next day, it's piled high with a mountain of garbage.

The same things happens in my bathroom.  I clean it, and it stays clean for a few weeks, and then suddenly the swamp thing is emerging from my toilet. 

Motivation is what it's all about.  When I know I have to clean because a woman is coming over, or I'm hosting a party, I clean like whirling dirvish.  Otherwise, I'm completely okay with the messy creep factor.  I can't help it.  Because, like most bachelors, cleaning, cooking and laundry fall low on the priority list.  They're somewhere below paying taxes, but above getting a colonoscopy.

Be Afraid, Be Very Afraid:

This doesn't make us bad people.  It just makes us bachelors.  You can always tell when a bachelor is interested in a woman.  they clean up.  They do their laundry weekly, they mop their floors and they shower twice a day.  Some even start using cologne for other events than a wedding or a blind date.

The best tip I have for any woman trying to land a bachelor is to simply let them be.  Don't try to clean them up right away.  Trust me, it'll come.  When a bachelor is interested in you, they'll do the cleaning up themselves.  Now, if you end up moving in with a bachelor that's an entirely different story. 

At that point, you're on your own.  The best advice I can give is to get an idea of his bachelor lifestyle ahead of time so you're prepared.  But whatever you do, don't just drop in on a bachelor you have just started seeing.  If you do, you'll certainly get a sense of his cooking, cleaning and luandry habits.  But he will be one pissed off bachelor.  We know what you're up to.  You're checking us out. 

We get it, we just don't like it.  Sometimes you have to have a strong stomach when you're dating a bachelor.  Hey, no one said it was going to be easy.  But, you know, it wouldn't hurt to offer up a home cooked meal every now and then.  We might even do the cooking.  We'll just have to use your kitchen to do it.