I had truly considered staying in a few of those night, but life has a way of rearing its ugly, or in this case, inebriated, head sometimes. Not to say I regret it, I don't. It was really awesome spending time with friends, particularly those I hadn't had a chance to hang out with for a while. In a couple of cases, I also ended up having drinks with some friends who I'm still really just getting to know. One of these instances occurred last Thursday.
A buddy of mine texted me on Thursday and asked if I was interested in grabbing a drink. I, of course, said yes. I told him I was heading down to the Broker for a drink and I'd meet him there.
By the way, if you live in Denver, or if you're ever in town for any reason, make a point to stop by the Broker if you have time. They have a great prime rib and the restaurant is set in an old bank safe. Seriously, you can eat inside the safe that's been renovated. It's a longtime Denver icon. But what really sets the place apart is their happy hour.
There was a time in Denver when "McCormick's" had the best happy hour deal in town. They offered cheap beers and decent food at bargain prices. The problem was, you could only get the deals betwen 5pm and 7pm, and again from 11pm to close (around 1am). Not at the Broker, though. They have really cheap drinks, seved strong, by the way, and for five bucks you can get enormous meals. Their shrimp bowl alone is worth the trip. It's no wonder why The Broker is quickly becoming one of my favorite watering holes. Of course it doesn't hurt that it's only about five blocks away from my apartment, so, totally within stumbling distance.
By the way, I don't work for The Broker, and I'm not being paid for this endorsement (there, government, happy now?) ANYway...back to the original intent of the story. I was at the bar having a martini when my buddy walks in. There were some cute girls nearby, the rest of the bar was essentially empty, the bartender recognized me and was attentive. It was a good scene, even if the Rockies WERE losing on the lone TV in the place.
We had a couple of drinks, chatted about various things from music to shows to work, to his upcoming wedding. Within about 20 minutes, a group of folks wandered in and took a table behind us. It didn't take long before my buddy and I made our way over to the table and joined in. As I introduced my buddy to some of the folks at the table who didn't know him, I took a seat and was faced immediately with this question:
"So, are you guys on a man-date?"
Now, you can imagine my surprise at this question, as, up until that exact moment in my life, I'd never heard of, "a man-date". It's been over month since I'd been on a real date. You know, the kind of date a bachelor goes on, with a woman and such. I simply sat there for a second, not exactly sure how to respond, stunned by the audacity of the question.
When I finally responded, my answer was something like, "What the hell did you just ask?" Followed pretty quickly by, "What the HELL is a man-date?!?!"
I was told in no uncertain terms that a man-date was when two men get to together socially over drinks, or dinner, to spend time together. I was skeptical. It just didn't sound right. I'm not getting into any homophobic areas here. I'm just saying that I have a pretty good idea what constitutes a date, and two straight guys hanging out doesn't really fit that definition.
So I went looking for some clarity. I consulted the dictionary. Of course, even though the word "Bromance" might be a listed word now, "man-date" still isn't. I did, however find some interesting definitions in the one place where you would expect to find a slang term used to describe an outing by two dudes; the Urban Dictionary. There are currently five definitions in the Urban Dictionary for "man-date." Click here to read them all.
As you can see, the last definition kind of supports my theory. Another basically defines a "gay man-date" and a third definition is kind of vague. The first definition, though logically makes sense. So, after my foray onto the interwebs, I'm basically as confused as I was when I started.
What is a date:
I suppose there can be as many definitions for a "date" as there are different kinds of relationships. But for me, a date must consist of the following things:
1. A man
2. A woman
3. Romantic intent
4. Pre-planning to move the relationship further along, romantically
5. Hopefully sex
Yes, I'm a pig, that was determined a long time ago...let's move on. Now, if two men are romantically interested in each other, then you can just change number two to man and be good with it. But for ME, number two has to be a woman. There's nothing wrong with that...it's how I was born. I have very good gay friends who regularly date members of the same sex, which I guess is a given, since they're gay. Again, nothing wrong with that. I'm just using my definition here.
Now, if I get together with a buddy, whether it's a male or a female, and numbers three through five aren't present, then it's not a date. In fact, this exact scenario happened on Friday night. I was out for a drink with a female friend after spending time hanging out with another very close friend that we hadn't been able to spend time with for a while. This woman happens to be perhaps my best friend, someone who I am very close to. We were out having beers together, just the two of us.
In some definitions, we might have been on a date. But that's obviously not how I defined it. Neither did she. When I pointed it out, and asked her, "Hey, we're out together, just the two of us, having drinks socially...are WE on a date?" Her answer was no. To which I agreed.
I was enjoying my time with her, catching up, talking, laughing and having a beer. If THAT wasn't a date, why then was the time I spent with my male buddy a man-date?
You can see how I'm confused, right? In both cases, I was just hanging out with a friend in a public place. See definition number three...basically two buds sharing a beer. NOT a date. There was no romantic intent in either scenario, no furthering of the relationship romantically, and no getting laid by anyone involved in the two instances.
So you can see why I so vigorously deny the concept of the "man-date." It's not homophobia, it's really just an effort to keep the purity of the idea of a "date" intact. In my opinion, there has to be romantic intent involved in order to be considered a date.
A New Definition:
There was ONE argument that logically made sense to me, so I feel compelled to reveal it. One of the folks at the table Thursday night explained a "date" as a coming together of two people in an effort to get to know each other better and further the relationship on some level.
I thought about this for a second and I had to admit that, while goes against my exact definition of a date, there is something that makes sense about it. I suppose that there could be a case made that a date is really just an opportunity to get to know another person better.
As bachelors we do this a lot. We will see a woman that we might be attracted to and ask her out to get to know her better and see if a romance could develop. I STILL believe there has to be an element of romance involved in order to be classified as a true "date", but if you take this definition at face value, then there could be a case made for the "man-date" as well.
The Result:
So in the end, I'm still left a little puzzled. I mean, I get the idea of the "Bromance" and the "Man-crush". These aren't romantic terms. These are situations where one guy really respects another guy for his abilities as an athlete, or performer or as a bachelor. A man can have a "bromance" and a "mancrush" and not have any romantic intentions. That's why it's so easy for a bachelor to say, "I love you, man!" But when it comes time to tell that special woman that you love her, well, it can feel like your innards are purging and you're coming down with the flu.
Saying "I love you, man" is harmless, it carries no consequences. Saying "I love you" to a woman chock full of consequence. It's just a short step away from three screaming kids, driving a mini-van and living in the suburbs.
So if the "bromance" and the "man-crush" aren't the same as a romance or a real "crush" then why would a man-date be the same as a real date? The answer, it's not. You can go ahead and use the word man-date if you want. I probably won't.
Hey, that doesn't mean I'll stop hanging out with my buddies, either. I like spending time with my friends. And the fact is, the time I spend with my friends is often WAY better than most of my dates.
But what do you think? Does the "man-date" really exist? Is it a term that you would use to describe two buddies getting together for a beer or two? What do you call it when a male and female who are just friends get together to do the same thing? I'm curious, because, as always, I may be way off in my perception and definition.
Get back to me with your thoughts. Set me straight, give me a digital high-five if you agree or a technical thumbs down if you think I'm off base. I look forward to your responses. And never fear, I'll be back with another riveting entry on the Bachelor Diaries very soon. Until then...see ya. I gots a man-date....errrr...drinks to get to.
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