Whatever, you know what I mean. Anyway, I'm talking about deal-breakers. Those little, or maybe not so little, character or personality traits that make it absolutely impossible to continue dating someone. I actually know a couple that got divorced because of a disagreement over how to install the toilet paper. The man wanted it over the top, the woman liked it from underneath (stop it, you perverts). Months later I was having a few drinks with the woman in the couple and she also mentioned that her ex also insisted on not putting down the toilet seat. Of course there HAD to be more going on that mere bathroom disagreements, but these were, apparently, the little things that broke the came's back, the deal-breakers the ended up destroying a marriage.
Of course, we're all familiar with some of the deal-breakers Jerry had to deal with, such as "man-hands" the "annoying laugh" and the "close talker." Obviously, these are more than just minor flaws that can be overlooked. But then again, you might not have such an aversion to a Fran Drescher-like cackle or you might not be so protective of your personal space. Let's face it, hopefully we're not all as neurotic as Jerry and the gang. But even if we're relatively normal, sane people, we all still have deal-breakers that can destroy a promising and budding relationship in mere seconds.
Figure It Out:
For bachelors, the deal-breaker can come at any time, and, maybe not so surprisingly, they don't have to be major issues. In other words, ladies, there is no "Book of Deal-Breakers" out there you can read that will help you avoid doing or saying something that will lead to the ultimate demise of your growing love.
And guys, we all know the mantra, "All Women Are Crazy", don't we? It's true, as most of you know quite well. However, the opposite also holds truth; "All Men Are Stupid." Some are more stupid than others, just as some women are more crazy than others. I'll rehash the Crazy vs. Stupid list in an upcoming post, but in the meantime, just understand that we are all working from the same base of knowledge; Women = crazy, Men = stupid.
I bring this up because simply being crazy or stupid isn't, necessarily, a deal-breaker by itself. The only exception is if the person in question falls into the extreme crazy or stupid category. In other words, they have to be at a high "level 5" or firmly ensconced in "level 6" in order to use that as a quantifiable deal-breaker.
Let's Define:
So what exactly IS a deal-breaker? To put it simply, it's a behavior, personality or character trait that makes the other person either suddenly unattractive or completely un-date-able. Sometimes you won't know what this is until you see it action. For some, a deal-breaker might be the fact that someone is a smoker. For others it's the fact that the fancy of their eye wants to move to Alabama. For others still, a deal breaker can be as innoccuous as the way they eat their breakfast cereal. You just never know.
Years ago, I used to date a woman who, on the whole, was a really good catch. Smart, funny, very attractive. We worked together in the newsroom but managed to keep it pretty low-key and didn't mix business with pleasure, so to speak.
We were together for about four months (which is my typical relationship length), when we both started to get on each others nerves a bit. This happens, as you all know. One of the biggest issues I had with her was her tendency to talk in a little girl/baby voice. It annoys me when any woman does it. It's creepy and it's not attractive.
I had mentioned this to her several times before, but for some reason she insisted on doing it. And every time, I'd ask her to stop it. One night at dinner, she started up with her little girl voice, all whiny and high pitched, and I knew right away it was over. We broke up soon afterwards.
For me, the little girl voice was a deal breaker. I have a few others that some of you might be able to relate to:
1. High Maintenance - This is kind of hard to define sometimes, but, like porn, I might not be able to describe it, but I know it when I see it. Most of the time, high maintenance women think more about themselves than they do the person they're with. They have impossibly high standards, they expect perfection and they rarely cut their significant other any slack at all.I don't have a ton of deal-breakers, but that might be because I'm a pretty laid back guy. So, while I'm not a Jerry Sienfeld who freaks out at the sight of overly large female hands or doesn't understand the numbering system on a speed-dial and gets annoyed when someone calls and says "it's me" instead of their name, I still have a few hang-ups. Heck, we all do.
2. Mean Women - We all know these types. Women that are unnecessarily mean for practically no reason. They're either bitter or insecure or simply unhappy people that take out their frustrations on others. Given the current news cycle dealing with bullying, they'd best be described as bullies.
3. Being Too Clingy/Needy - Listen, I've been told on more than one occasion that I'm too clingy at times or too needy. I get it. It's annoying beyond belief. There's not space to breath, no room to stretch your wings and fly. Being overly clingy and needy suffocates a relationship and doesn't allow the other person to really be who they are or grow into who they want to be.
4. Long Distance Relationships - Won't do them. Never have, never will. They just don't work out. YEs, there are the few anectdotal stories, but for the most part they cause nothing but pain in the end, and who needs that?
5. No Sense of Humor - Hey, I like to laugh. I like to make others laugh. I can overlook a LOT of things, I mean, hey, I'm no Bradd Pitt, I have flaws, so I don't expect my girlfriend to be perfect either. But is it too much to ask that they have a good sense of humor? We don't have to laugh at the same things. We'll have different ideas of what is funny. But at least they had better have an idea of what's funny and enjoy laughing out loud a lot. No sense of humor equals a lack of personality in my book and that, my friends is a real deal breaker.
What are your deal-breakers? Let's make this a fun exercise in listing the myriad of peronality traits, actions and quirks that we, as a dating majority, simply can't overlook in others. I'm curious to hear from the women as to what drives them crazy or what is an absolute no-no from the bachelors in their lives.
I'm looking forward to your answers. And, as always, your comments will be treated with kid gloves. I'll post your answers in an upcoming post, so make sure to watch for that.
Until next time, ciao!
(said in a manly voice and NOT a little baby voice)
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