If you're anything like me, Valentine's Day is just another day. It always has been. Listen, I'm not bitter...at least not about V-Day. I might be bitter about a lot of other things, like 85-degree days in October, the cost of quality bourbon and the Broncos loss to the Jaguars in the 1996 AFC Division playoffs (I'm not sure I'll ever get over that one). But when it comes to the day of Saint Valentine, I'm all smiles and cheerful whistles.
I say, go for it, couples! Spend your hard earned cash at crowded fancy restaurants where you'll pay $100 or more for cheap wine and grade B beef. Buy that diamond necklace that you'll regret giving the minute she starts sleeping with your best friend. Hell, have sex in the park, or, like John Lennon once exhorted, do it in the road. I'll cheer you on, take pictures and post them to my Facebook page.
I enjoy the big show of love that breaks out like acne all over the place in the middle of a traditionally cold February. And while I might remain cynical about a holiday that was created by a card company simply to increase revenue, I like the idea of taking one day out of the year and celebrating something like love. And while I prefer holidays that are a little more inclusive, Valentine's Day doesn't mean you have to be alone if you don't have a significant other.
Like pagans at Christmas, bachelors can sometimes feel a little left out of the festivities when V-Day rolls around. But we can learn something from the Pagans or the Jews or the Muslims. When Xmas started to pick up steam, they didn't just sit around and feel sorry for themselves. Heck no. The Muslims observe Eid Ul Fitr. The Jews took a relatively minor holiday and pumped it full of steroids, handing out a week's worth of gifts instead of opening presents on a single day (take THAT Vatican!). The Pagans got pissed that the Christians stole their Solstice observance and managed to sneak one of their primary symbols (the tree) into the whole Christmas celebration (don't look now, you're worshiping Mother Nature, he he he).
With that in mind, I figured out a long time ago that, while Valentine's Day might be for lovers, love itself isn't just reserved for the tall, skinny and beautiful. Everyone can celebrate the day, you just have to know how to do it.
The Panic Button:
While you are likely reading this a day after Valentine's, it doesn't mean that the information is old and stale. Nope. In fact, it seems as if the entire month of February is dedicated to lovers or various lame holidays. Let's face it, after New Year's Eve, it's a long dry spell to the next worthy holiday.
It's kind of like being in school. The first semester is chock full of holidays and days off and vacations and such. But starting in January, you have a long haul until you finally stumble blindly into Spring Break. It's kind of like that. You hit Labor Day, then Halloween, then Thanksgiving, the Xmas then New Years...it's like party buffet and you're filling up on the good times.
But just about the time you open your bloodshot eyes to welcome in the new year, you realize you're basically going to have to go cold turkey for about three months. That can be difficult for your average bachelor. Sure, you can manage January. You're still recovering from three straight months of lost weekends, plus you're probably still trying in vain to stick to at least ONE of your resolutions.
But then February stops by, pulls up a chair and begins an intervention. It's cold, you're alone, you haven't "partied hard" for a bit and you're starting to go into withdrawals. February is a slap to the face, it's cold water on the head, it's the school counselor who tells you you'll never amount to anything. Suddenly, you find yourself thinking about the fact that you're still single. You realize your bank account is low and not partying for so long has allowed you to remember that you hate your job.
Now you're panicking. February, with it's Valentine's Day and President's Day and whatever holidays are hidden in the shortest month of the year, has gotten under your skin, and into your head and is taking control. You start thinking about who you can ask out for a Valentine's Day date. You start seriously considering settling for the next woman who smiles at you across the bar. Of course, it doesn't help that you're also starting to receive all those wedding invitations in the mail for those summer weddings. Desperation is creeping in.
I'm here to tell you, don't give in. This is NOT the time to lose yourself in a pity party. It's time to shake yourself and revel in all the great things about being a bachelor.
Start With The Basics:
The first thing you have to do is recognize that being single is a good thing. I'm not saying that being in a couple is bad, don't get me wrong. I'm just saying that most bachelors tend to selfish, carefree and, let's face it, just a little irresponsible. We're men, so we do stupid things, but we also enjoy the freedom to do those stupid things without all the repercussions we might receive if we were in a relationship.
Also, being a bachelor means never having to say, "I'm leaving you." Or, for that matter, having to hear someone else say it to us. Just this past week, some good friends of mine who had been dating broke up after dating for nearly two years. Sure there might have been a few rough spots, but I'm not sure anyone really saw it coming. I felt awful for both of them as they told me and some other friends who happened to be together for a meeting. They were both nearly in tears and it was sad. I've been through that, we all have. It's no fun. Being a bachelor means we don't have to go through that. So, we have that going for us.
We don't have anyone to answer to, really. I was at a Superbowl party a couple of weeks ago and as the party started to die down, I was ready to go out for some more drinks. Most everyone had left, but my ride wasn't in the mood to go out. Actually, let me correct that. He was willing to go out as was the other guy. But the host of the party had a fiancee who was not about to let him wander into the night with his drinking buddies on a Sunday night. And my other friend had to get home, because his fiancee was at home and was furious that he'd already stayed out after his curfew. I went home, grabbed a bottle of bourbon, drank alone and vowed to find more bachelor friends.
The fact is, while being in a couple might have certain advantages, being a bachelor has just as many advantages, and not quite as many disadvantages, I mean, other than the whole, "single men die sooner" thing. Other than that, being a bachelor is all good.
Just Getting By:
Now that you've started to remember that being a bachelor is not all doom and gloom, you now have to turn your attention to a much more serious problem; making it to St. Patrick's Day.
According to my calendar, St. Patrick's Day is the first major (or "High Holy" holiday of the year). Some might consider New Year's Eve to be the first, but that's really the end of the previous year, so it doesn't count.
Getting past Valentine's Day is doable, I'm assuming you all survived since you're reading this post. But even after the day has passed, you're surrounded by Valentine's Day reminders. The holiday has a shelf life of, basically, two weeks, as lovers and couples who couldn't find time on the 14th, celebrate it at various times throughout the month. Then, once V-Day has passed, mass media turns its attention immediately towards Easter.
But there are ways to survive February, and The Bachelor Diaries is here to tell you how:
1. Celebrate your friends - This may seem odd, or trite, but seriously, it's awesome. I just remember something one of my closest friends told me 20 years ago. Lovers come and go, but good friends are forever. You may fight with a friend, you may disagree and get annoyed with them, and even want to punch them in the face from time to time, but the fact is, it's very VERY rare to "break up" with a friend, at least really close friends. Take them out for drinks, organize a dinner for your closest friends and laugh and tell stories and remember how they fill you life with joy. Trust me, it's better than any four hour dinner at some fondu place.For some bachelors, January and February is a time of creation and rebuilding. I knew a guy years ago that would essentially become a hermit come January 1st. He'd stay in, work out, go on a cleanse and re-emerge in March or April leaner, meaner and ready to rock n roll. It's a good idea, actually. I mean, hey, even the most ardent of bachelors need a break every now and then.
2. Celebrate your family - If breaking up with close friends is rare, it might be even more unlikely that you'll ever break up with your family. Sure you might not see them as much as you'd like, or maybe you see them way more than you'd like. The point is, love isn't reserved only for couples. You love your family, you love your friends. Why not take the time to let them know how much they mean to you.
3. Remember Mardi-Gras - Okay, this is a strange one, but for bachelors, Mardi-Gras can be like an oasis in the desert that is February. The problem with Mardi-Gras is twofold: A) unless you live in New Orleans, you kind of have to search out the great parties or make your own. B) If you're religious, you have to observe Lent, which is a total bummer. On the other hand, if you're NOT religious, you have to hear from everyone about what they're giving up for Lent. If you can manage to listen to them explain why giving up spinach or candy bars illustrates their devotion to god, then Mardi-Gras can be a blast. Sadly, outside of The Big Easy, girls don't often show their tits for beads, but that doesn't mean it never happens, the good bachelors will just have to look harder than usual.
4. Find Your Own Reasons to Celebrate - I'm lucky. My birthday falls right at the end of February, so I have a built in reason to party. But for most, February is just one long drag. But it doesn't have to be. Have a President's Day party. Watch the History Channel and every time a president's name is mentioned, drink. Call up friends and find reasons to join them for a night out on the town. In actuality, since there is so little happening in February, you might be surprised how many others are also looking for something to do, even your married or engaged friends. This is also a great opportunity for random hook-ups. Remember, you're not the ONLY one that probably spent Valentine's Day alone. There are a lot of others out there simply looking for some companionship, if even for one night.
5. The Ides of March Madness - This is another toughie for some bachelors. Football is over, basketball is in the doldrums of mid-season, hockey is only popular in Northern cities and soccer is, well, soccer. BUT, college basketball IS starting to heat up and watching the bubble teams can be fun, particularly if you have a team that might make it into the tournament. Also, baseball spring training begins in mid-February. Start a baseball fantasy league, have a draft, drink beer and lose yourself in the few interesting sports left on the calendar.
The point is, like life, Valentine's Day and February in general is what you make of it. It doesn't have to be a dreary, depressing time of the year. In fact it can be a joyful month of celebration, recognition, reflection and self-examination. Personally, I love February, and not just because it's my birthday month. It snows, it's chilly without being freezing, I start to work on my golf game, and I find fun things to do.
So get out there, enjoy yourself, find the hidden fun in February. Before you know it, St. Patrick's Day will be here before you know it. If nothing else, it might be a good month to start training for St. Paddy's. Hey, a man has to dream, right?
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