Why won't you call me? Hasn't it been three days yet?
Anyway, I'm actually here to talk about rules and protocols and all that fun stuff. Now, those that know me, also know that I've never been a real stickler about following rules. I tend to bend rules when I can and break them outright when I shouldn't. Rules are made to be broken, right? Kind of like the rules of grammar, which my cousin so thoroughly enjoys hammering me with when discussing this blog. Hey, I'm a published writer, a longtime journalist, I break the rules at my discretion, so...there.
Although my disregard for grammatical rules is probably a fascinating conversation I'm sure you'd all just love to listen to, I'm actually here to talk about the rules of dating and relationships. Of course, I can't fit ALL the rules into one single blog entry, so at least for now, I'm just going to focus on the beginnings of relationships...and maybe the end, but we'll have to see about that.
Damn The Rules!
As I mentioned in an earlier post, I had a wonderful time with a bevy of beautiful women over the weekend and spilling into Monday night. I had mentioned that I found myself interested in at least one of them. I received a note asking me if I had actually asked this particular woman out on a date yet. I hadn't, I still haven't.
Which leads me to the first rule under the microscope. It's perhaps one of the most hallowed and revered of all bachelor codes and rules. You all know it, so say it along with me; I'm talking about the "Three Day Rule." For those of you who might have been living in a cave for the past 50 years, that's when a bachelor waits three days to call a woman he just met to ask them out on a date.
Honestly, I've never really adhered very well to this rule. Often, when I meet someone I like or who grabs my interest, I will ask them out that night. Plus, I really have a hard time asking a woman out over the phone. Call it the old fashioned in me, but I just beleive in doing important things like asking a woman out face to face.
Of course, things change with every passing day, and now, men and women are asking each other out on the phone, over texts, on Tweets on Facebook. All of which is about as romantic as sending a carrier pigeon to ask a woman out. Actually, I take that back. A carrier pigeon is more romantic becaue it shows you liked her enough to actually train a pigeon to carry her a message.
I don't know, maybe it's me, but it seems like texting a woman with the following message, "hey baby, wanna go out sometime?" seems a little impersonal, way too casual and, frankly a bit insulting. Of course I know I'm starting to sound like one of those octogenarians who sit on their porch in a rocking chair and a wooden cane cursing at those damn kids to get off his lawn.
But I prefer to do something like as a woman out in person. It just feels more, well, personal. Plus, here's another thing, I know a lot of bachelors that don't ask a girl out immediately upon meeting them. Like me, they like to spend some time around a person to get to know them and make sure that the woman is someone who they really want to date.
Is There A Female Equivalent?
But I've always wondered how women feel about the three day rule. I mean, it's not like it's a secret, right? If you give your phone number to a guy you met in a crowded, darkened bar or nightclub, chances are you've been drinking a little as well, do you expect him to call you in three days? What happens if he calls you the next day? Is it really a sign of desperation? Maybe he is just really interested. What if, and this is something I do way too often, he waits beyond three days? Is his window of opportunity closed?
Do women have a similar three day rule? I've always wondered about that. I know that some women wait until at least the third date before they'll sleep with a guy, but what about during those first few days after just met the guy? How do you feel about a text asking you out? Do you prefer it to be done in person or is a phone call just as good? So many questions, so few answers right now.
I know why the three day rule is in effect. If a guy calls a girl too soon after meeting them, they DO look desperate. Two days after meeting a girl, still seems a little too eager. Wait four days or longer and the girl forgets you and the magic has worn off, at least that's the theory. Three, like the song says, is the magic number.
Whenever I think about this rule, I can't help but think about that scene from "Swingers" where the poor schlub meets a woman, gets her phone number and calls her immediately upon getting home. Of course he gets the answering machine and leaves a message, which he can't finish because he's rambling. So he calls her back, gets the machine, finishes his message. But then he feels like an idiot, so he calls back, another message. Then comes the remorse, another phone call, another message to apologize. Of course, then he really feels stupid, so he calls back one last time, this time she answers in the middle of his message. "Don't ever call me again" is all she says.
We've all done this at one point in our lives. It's embarrassing and humiliating to think about, but when we're younger we do stupid things. Maybe this is why the three day rule is in effect. It gives the guy time to digest the first impression as well. If he's still interested after three days, then it's worth calling, right? Or at the very least, setting up another meeting.
There are a ton of rules that have to be followed in the initial stages of a developing relationship. Or at least rules we're SUPPOSED to follow. Simple things like not talking too much about yourself, holding a door open for a woman, waiting three days to call, not jumping in bed hours after meeting someone. I would like to add another rule. One that says no asking someone out via text or FB.
End It Quickly, Like Pulling Off A Band-Aid:
This goes double for breaking up with someone. I know I've mentioned that in the past I've simply let budding relationships die on the vine by not calling the woman back, even after I promised to do so. Yes, this is a bit of a cowards way out, I admit it. But It's just as cowardly to text someone to say, "Hey, baby, it's over....seeing someone new, have a nice life."
Again, I say to all the bachelors, and bachelorettes out there, when it's over, or if it never was, or if it never will be, man up and say so, in person. Trust me, I will do as I say in the future as well. I have to point out, that, as a bachelor, I have always appreciated it when a woman tells me straight up that it's just not going to happen. Like most bachelors, I appreciate the honesty.
There was a woman I had a huge crush on a while ago. I had known her for a probably eight months, maybe a year before asking her out. I pushed and cajoled and prodded. She knew I had a crush on her and my personality can be, well, a bit overpowering sometimes. I got her to say yes to a date. A single date. We had both been drinking a little and afterwards, a bunch of us left the bar and went back to my place to wind down the evening.
At one point while we were getting snacks at the 7-11 in my building, she came up to me and simply called the date off. I didn't understand, I wasn't happy about it. But later, she explained that she just never saw it going anywhere in the future and that it was probably a waste of time and that she didn't want to lead me on. She just wanted to be friends.
I appreciated that, even though it hurt at the time, it was better than being led on. We never really spoke much after that, and I never really see her anymore, which is fine. At least the crush was nipped in the bud early. Women, take a lesson from this situation. If you're not interested in a guy, don't lead them on, don't give them your phone number, don't go out on a "harmless" date with him. Say no, leave it at that and move on. If he wants to be your friend afterwards, then fine. If not, then at least you saved both of you some pain and drama you would have to inevitably have had to deal with down the road.
Now that's a rule everyone can live with.
No comments:
Post a Comment