"Dear Bachelor, are bachelors more forgiving of women not having perfect bodies?"
I've been mulling this question around in my head for a bit, wondering exactly how to answer this one without incurring the wrath of women everywhere. I'm not sure if I've succeeded, but I'm going to give it a shot anyway.
First, I have to tell you that, as always, these are my opinions, and in no way scientifically proven. I am basing my answer on my own experiences as well as the opinions of scores of other bachelors I've known throughout the years. So, you know, take it as you will.
Still trying to figure out how this is attractive...
Let me say to every woman out there reading this, all you bachelorettes, married women, single women, all of you; men are way more forgiving of your bodies than you are or ever will be. I've been a guy my entire life, and I can't remember one conversation, not one, single discussion that I've had with other men, be they bachelors or otherwise, that involved this phrase, "Yeah, she's cute, but it's those extra five pounds that I just can't live with."
An Informal Poll:
Can men be critical of women who are larger, or even curvy? Sure, you betcha. But hey, guess what, women are just as critical of men who are larger, perhaps even moreso. So, for those of you who are obsessing with your weight, just stop it. Because, in the end, most of the pressure comes from other women, not men.
Over the years, I have also done an informal poll with many, many men, generally while discussing women over copious beers. I've asked them to describe their perfect woman. I can honestly tell you that in over ten years I have never seen or heard a man point to one of the magazine covers with the rail-thin waify models and say, "THAT'S the perfect woman!"
In other words, women, stop looking at the magazine covers and thinking you have to look like that in order to attract a man. It's a futile quest for most. Besides, as has been proven, many of those magazine women are airbrushed to look that way.
What's difficult about this question is that I'm trying to describe beautiful, or perfect, when, in reality, beauty really is in the eye of the beholder. If I had a dime, no, make that a penny, for every time I heard a woman complain about "those last five pounds," or that her breasts are too small or that her hair isn't exactly the way she thinks it should be, I'd be a millionaire. Seriously, a millionaire.
Now, here's the bad news. Men are pigs. When it comes to sex, bachelors are a driven breed. We like eye candy. An attractive woman is worth going after, and we'll sleep with them if we can. But you have to remember that what is attractive to me, isn't necessarily attractive to the guy sitting next to me. Plus, just because we want to have sex with a woman doesn't mean that they're the "perfect woman" for us.
I have the very good fortune of knowing many, many very attractive women. I get to perform with them, I get to hang out with them, I get to spend time with them and know them on a level many others don't and never will. If given the opportunity, I'd do my bachelor duty and sleep with them, most of them at least, if I could. Are any of these women the "perfect woman" for me? Who knows? But my actions speak more about me as a man-pig than it does about the perfection or imperfections of their bodies.
Here's the good news:
A perfect body is NOT a prerequisite to being the "perfect woman" for a man. Therefore, men, even bachelors will always be more forgiving of a woman's body than women are themselves. For instance, I'm a leg guy. I prefer brunettes, followed by redheads and then blondes. I like a woman who looks like a woman, you know, with some womanly curves, so I've never been a fan of the whole heroine-chic look.
But that just covers the physical side of things for me. I have a whole other list of things that attract me to a woman. They have to be smart. They have to be funny. They have to be able to at least sit through a baseball game (at the stadium). They have to love music. They have to have ambition and goals. They have to be witty. They have to be able to fight with me and then be able to make up afterwards. They have to be able to put up with my B.S. and push me, challenge me, support me.
I don't know that my list is much different from most men I know, young or old. Because in the end, most men want a partner, not just a sex-buddy. Sure, we may point to a Gillian Anderson, or Zooey Deschanel or Jennifer Aniston and pant heavily before wiping the drool from out chins thinking about one night alone with any of them. I mean, I have a whole "hot tub" list (courtesy of my friend Mere, who introduced me to the whole hot tub game in the first place). Maggie Gyllenhal (sic), Jeanine Garafalo, Bernadette Peters, all beautiful women, all in my hot tub, but are any of them my perfect woman? Again, probably not.
Now, even more good news, women. Men DO change. Seriously, we do. When we're younger, mostly all we care about is the physical aspect of a woman. We're so caught up in how a woman looks, when we're 21, 24, 27, that we miss out on a lot of great women who we could have solid, long lasting relationships with.
But that starts to change, particularly for bachelors, as we get up there in age. We start to recognize and truly appreciate the things in a woman and potential partner that we would have missed a few years earlier. I can only speak for myself, but as I've grown older, I've noticed women I would not have even given a second glance at ten years ago.
Overall, I suppose the Bachelor Diaries would ask this of women. Be patient, and stop trying to be one of those models on the magazines. Certainly some, maybe even many, bachelors put a lot of stock into looks, we all do, I guess. But as bachelors get older and wiser, we DO grow up a bit and start to see the person behind the long legs and huge rack.
As Stuart Smalley said, "You're good enough, you're smart enough and goshdarn it, people like you!"
Until tomorrow, take care all you bachelor's and bachelorettes. Remember, St. Patrick's Day is upon us. So go enjoy yourselves and keep the bachelor spirit alive and kicking.
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