No need to get into the plot of the movie, because, well, 1) it's based on an old Issac Asimov story but doesn't really follow the plot, other than the three rules of robotics; and 2) the plot doesn't matter for this entry. Still, if you get the chance to see the movie, do it, you'll enjoy it.
I know, ladies, ou're looking right past the mess at the dude with the cool hair.
Anyway, I'm watching the movie and a scene comes up, early in the movie showing a half naked Will Smith in his boxers, standing over a half-eaten something, maybe a pie, maybe a leftover meal from the night before, who knows. What I DO know is that my friend saw that and gasped in disgust.
"How could he eat that!?" she exclaimed. "It's been sitting out all night. How does he not get sick? That's sick. That's not real, is it?"
It's Real, Very Real:
I chuckled at the question and her naivety. Because of course it's true. Most, well, at least many, bachelor treat meals like a sprint or at the very least a necessary speedbump during the course of a hectic day. Here's another bit of insight, our immune systems tend to be like iron pots. Bachelors will think nothing of leaving out a carton of milk for a few hours, or lunch meat, mayo, veggies sitting on the counter just a little too long.
Open the fridge of any bachelor, and chances are, you'll find an open can of beans half eaten, milk beyond its expiration date, cheese with an entirely new form of life growing on it. That's not to say we're all slobs. We're just...well...bachelors. That's what we do.
I have had way too many meals consisting of the previous nights leftovers, cold pizza, cold spaghetti, whatever was left in the pan from the day before. Here's my rule for food:
1. If it's not moldy, lumpy or slimy, it's probably still good to eat.
2. Like my clothes, if it doesn't smell bad, it's probably still good to eat...or wear.
Pretty simple, huh? Because bachelors don't really think of food in terms of "meals" we think nothing of leaving food sitting around the house. This way meals are more like opportunistic snacks. Oh, a half eaten power bar? Lunch! A nibbled on sandwich? Breakfast! Pizza crusts from three days earlier? Dinner! It's a good system, really, it works.
I can pretty much guarantee you that the only time bachelors really sit down and cook, I mean really cook, not just tossing a frozen meal in the microwave or slapping together a roast beef sandwich with soup, is when we either have a date, or when we're hosting a party. We have to have motivation, otherwise, cooking for one is just a big pain in the ass.
Motivate Me, Baby!
For most bachelors, we treat laundry and cleaning in much the same way. We need motivation. The myth that bachelors will rummage through their clothes, most likely strewn about the room, smelling them and checking for stains before putting them on is NOT a myth. We do it. We do it all the time. In fact, I'm pretty certain that Febreeze was invented specifically because bachelors do this, all the time.
Cleaning is all about the motivation. I clean. I just don't do it as often as I should. As I sit here, I am sitting in a relatively clean apartment. I did a pretty thorough spring cleaning a couple of weeks ago. I moved furniture, mopped, scrubbed, dusted. I even bought those brillo pads to wash down the kitchen. I didn't really get to the laundry, it's still piled on my bed, which is why I sleep on the couch. Well, one of the reasons I sleep on the couch, mostly I do that because I'm too lazy to move to my bed, about 20 feet away.
Now, two weeks later, I'm looking at an apartment that still doesn't have dishes in the sink, doesn't have crap littering the coffee table and no need to dust yet. I'm pretty proud of that. If suddenly a woman wanted to come up to my apartment, I wouldn't be embarrassed to have them up, and that's a big step for me.
It's funny how quickly things get out of control for bachelors. I hit 7-11 every day for a pack of cigs and a Big Gulp (healthy, right?). Suddenly, before I know it, all my big gulp cups have multiplied into about 20 cups, large and small, among take out containers, fast food wrappers and dirty dishes. It's like the cups are having nasty cup sex when I'm sleeping and giving birth to all kinds of other cups and litter. I don't even know how it builds up so fast. One day my coffee table is litter free, and the next day, it's piled high with a mountain of garbage.
The same things happens in my bathroom. I clean it, and it stays clean for a few weeks, and then suddenly the swamp thing is emerging from my toilet.
Motivation is what it's all about. When I know I have to clean because a woman is coming over, or I'm hosting a party, I clean like whirling dirvish. Otherwise, I'm completely okay with the messy creep factor. I can't help it. Because, like most bachelors, cleaning, cooking and laundry fall low on the priority list. They're somewhere below paying taxes, but above getting a colonoscopy.
Be Afraid, Be Very Afraid:
This doesn't make us bad people. It just makes us bachelors. You can always tell when a bachelor is interested in a woman. they clean up. They do their laundry weekly, they mop their floors and they shower twice a day. Some even start using cologne for other events than a wedding or a blind date.
The best tip I have for any woman trying to land a bachelor is to simply let them be. Don't try to clean them up right away. Trust me, it'll come. When a bachelor is interested in you, they'll do the cleaning up themselves. Now, if you end up moving in with a bachelor that's an entirely different story.
At that point, you're on your own. The best advice I can give is to get an idea of his bachelor lifestyle ahead of time so you're prepared. But whatever you do, don't just drop in on a bachelor you have just started seeing. If you do, you'll certainly get a sense of his cooking, cleaning and luandry habits. But he will be one pissed off bachelor. We know what you're up to. You're checking us out.
We get it, we just don't like it. Sometimes you have to have a strong stomach when you're dating a bachelor. Hey, no one said it was going to be easy. But, you know, it wouldn't hurt to offer up a home cooked meal every now and then. We might even do the cooking. We'll just have to use your kitchen to do it.
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