I saw the originial Thomas Crowne Affair. It starred Steve McQueen, who was a constant figure in the Tao movie. Suddenly, I got it. It wasn't about Tao, or the name Steve, or even looks, which, I guess, was the point of the Tao movie to begin with. It was about confidence.
I think that's one of the reasons, one of the MANY reasons, why I'm so glad I'm a guy. Yeah, we have some appearance issues we have to deal with, more today than ever before. But a man can get by being a little shorter, balding, pudgy, way more than a woman can in society. That's because, god love 'em, women tend to look beyond just the looks when they evaluate a man.
They look at his earning potential, that's a big one, they look at his sense of humor, they look at his successes and failures. It's like a damn job interview most of the time. But in all my travels and adventures, the one thing I've found that women find sexy in a man, above almost all others, is confidence.
This, my friends is a confident man, with a set of steel cajones.
Your Confidence Is Showing:
Now, I'm not talking cocky, arrogant, narcissistic douchebag kind of confidence. I'm talking about the quiet confidence that can literally exude from a person who has their crap together. You can't fake that kind of confidence. And here's the great thing, I don't think you have to be so together that you have uber confidence in every aspect of your life.
For instance, I do some things very well. I'm good at the kind of work I do. I'm confident about my writing skills, I'm confident about public speaking, and while I'm not the worlds best singer, I'm confident about my singing...I do okay.
But there are a lot of other areas where I fall short. My money management skills leave something to be desired, I'm a slob, I'm unorganized, I have a temper, I like to argue. But I overcome my shortcomings with attitude. I'm generally a positive person. I have confidence in myself and my abilities to see things through, and when things get tough, well, I try to put on a smile and know that things are going to be okay.
These are also things I absolutely love in women. I also think most bachelors love this in women as well. I was talking to some friends last night, some women, some men, we were at the bar chatting about various things. One of the people I was talking to had recently been pursued by a very attractive woman. For some reason my friend didn't seem very interested in her at all. For the longest time I kept wondering why my friend didn't pursue this woman harder, particularly since this woman made it VERY clear she was into my friend.
During the conversation last night, my friend commented that the woman in question was, indeed, beautiful, but there were problems. What it boiled down to was attitude and talent. This woman is smart and attractive, but my friend is an artist, a true artist, and the woman in question simply didn't live up to my friend's standards in that area.
It fits into my theory about talent, confidence and attitude. I once had a huge crush on a woman who said she was a singer. So, I and some friends went to go see her perform with her band. Let's just say it wasn't good. Now, this woman was very attractive and smart and had a good career in TV. But she identified herself as an artist, which I loved.
But when I went to see her perform, she just wasn't very good. I was disappointed, but I know that sometimes bad performances happen. Plus, she admitted she wasn't in very good voice that night and apologized. I gave it a pass. A month later I went to go see her again, by myself this time. Once again, it was bad. Afterwards, she was very happy and talked about how "good" the performance was. My crush ended almost immediately.
If you are attracted to an artist, they had better be talented. They don't have to be great, but you at least have to respect them as an artist. Otherwise, you have a crush on a myth, a dream, and that will never work out.
Always Look On The Bright Side Of Life:
Attitude plays the same role. When I was in college, I knew three Stacey's. They all lived together at one time, and we called them Big Stacey, Little Stacey, Middle Stacey. I had a bit of a crush on Middle Stacey. She was, ironically, the tallest of the three Stacey's. Pale and slender with flowing dark hair and deep brown eyes. She was smart and shy, not funny, but I didn't mind. She used to be seriously dating a guy when I met her. But I pursued her, asking her out for the longest time. Every time I saw her I would ask if she was still dating the guy and told her that when they broke up, I'd be there to swoop in.
I was cocky, confident, charming. One night at a party, I asked her if she was still dating her guy, and she said, shockingly, no. Now the pressure was on. What had been a little flirty game was now serious. So, I sidled up beside her, gave her a martini and asked her out. She said yes and we dated for a couple of months.
It ended, not with a bang, but with a whimper. We just drifted apart. Some of it was that our personalities were so different, but most of it was because her attitude was just so...depressing. You see, she was a negative, depressed person by nature, I think. She was always complaining about something, and always seemed depressed.
I've had roommates who were always depressed. It gets to me after a while. I can only deal with depressed people for so long before I have to just get away from it. Dating someone who is always depressed does the same thing. At some point, I stopped calling her, she stopped calling me. I didn't see her again for ten years. She had just gotten divorced and, outside of looking older, it didn't seem like she had changed at all.
Positive attitude, talent, confidence. These are the things that are truly sexy. You can be physically, very attractive, but without those other attributes, you're nothing but a magazine cover, all glitter and no substance. Or, as my friend Mere likes to say to some people, you'll just be "so pretty," which ain't bad, but in the end, it's not enough.
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